Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Polynomial

Online | Search for a member

Polynomial

3Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 5 May 1980 (34 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2550
  • Number of comments : 206
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 38 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Polynomial's page activity

Visits<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 1:04pm<b>klorehore</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 2:42am<b>Lordpuff</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:20pm<b>Wutdafuqq</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 10:01am<b>stefnewman</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 8:45am<b>EmmaRey</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 7:42am<b>Ted_brosby</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 4:20am<b>Eliseopwns</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 4:00pm<b>xlasxtchanxce13</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 3:57pm<b>Saltash</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 11:36am<b>saudor</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 9:53pm<b>stephanyovalle</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 6:07pm<b>erptwerp</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 11:43am<b>littleteapot</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 10:26am<b>eeefxx</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 1:37pm<b>miss_keating</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 1:30pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 1:10pm<b>Timmy1228</b> - the 01/09/2015 at 8:32pm

Liked!<b>Wutdafuqq</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:01pm<b>Eliseopwns</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 7:44pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 2:58am

Polynomial's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of Polynomial's badges

Polynomial's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

#20944786
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62398) - you deserved it (4055)

On 11/04/2013 at 12:45am - intimacy - by TheTruthofWomen (woman) - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53390) - you deserved it (9128)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

#20919140
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36521) - you deserved it (12319)

On 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm - misc - by HSampsON (man) - Niger (Niamey)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63616) - you deserved it (26415)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when his condom came off inside of me. We couldn't get it out, so I had to tell my mom, who didn't know we were sexually active, and then go to the ER. After an unsuccessful visit, we came home only to find the condom in my sheets. FML

#20889434
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51199) - you deserved it (34395)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML

Today, I tried to get my golden retriever to stand in front of our church for a very short time to illustrate the point of a sermon. When I brought my dog up, he mounted the pastor's leg and began humping him. FML

#20873553
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37704) - you deserved it (8974)

On 09/08/2013 at 9:42pm - animals - by sillydoggy - United States

Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted to me that the reason he won't have sex with me is because "condoms are too expensive." FML

#20864490
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52169) - you deserved it (5953)

On 09/02/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

#20860701
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45429) - you deserved it (5732)

On 08/30/2013 at 6:56pm - love - by >_< (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the 3 books. FML

#20845941
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41238) - you deserved it (3977)

On 08/20/2013 at 4:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML

#20842045
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52349) - you deserved it (6845)

On 08/17/2013 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by frustrated - Ireland (Kerry)

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

#20836718
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54422) - you deserved it (6183)

On 08/14/2013 at 5:11am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60951) - you deserved it (5981)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

#20817205
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46544) - you deserved it (25393)

On 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by fuck but no fuck (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: