Polynomial

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Offline (the 09/20/2016 at 7:26pm)

Polynomial

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 5 May 1980 (36 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6408
  • Number of comments : 315
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 40 posted

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Visits<b>COL_Obvious</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:04pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 12:38pm<b>ExtremeEncounter</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 8:00pm<b>anahii1028</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 6:18pm<b>Lukerocks01</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 1:59am<b>HeavyWeaponsGuy</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 12:51am<b>EcchiShojo</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 6:43pm<b>agostina_mc</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 11:47pm<b>EvilLittleGirl</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 5:43pm<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 5:36am<b>21PGreenDay</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 9:35am<b>Gracemonique3</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 9:26am<b>Kitsi</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 4:43pm<b>tipuda</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 1:41pm<b>Anonymous66608</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 8:21am<b>kukumber</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 1:49pm<b>Fuaaad1994</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 3:29pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 2:38pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 8:38pm<b>imslappy</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 2:38pm<b>Wutdafuqq</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:01pm<b>Eliseopwns</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 7:44pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 2:58am

Polynomial's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of Polynomial's badges

Polynomial's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife and I decided to try out role playing. She ended up having an anxiety attack when I said she wasn't turning in her homework. FML

by jigglypluff / 11/19/2014 at 12:27am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML

by Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX / 11/11/2014 at 10:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I left my dog alone while I went to work, like usual. He usually hangs out in the big bay window that faces the street. Today he decided to steal my vibrator and chew it while sitting in the window. I can only imagine how many people walked by and saw it. FML

by dogdays / 11/09/2014 at 8:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

by 4evalone / 11/01/2014 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML

by CJune24 / 10/22/2014 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Intimacy

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to talk dirty to my boyfriend, after he promised not to laugh at me. All seemed well, until I heard laughter. It wasn't him, though; it was his family listening from the other room. FML

by TalkDirtyToMe / 10/10/2014 at 3:33pm / New Zealand / Intimacy

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

by SmellyCloset / 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I had a garage sale, and had amongst my clothing a few sets of underwear. A old man came up and asked to buy all of them. I'm so poor, I couldn't say no to the pervert. FML

by sickened / 09/21/2014 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (Gateshead) / Money