Polynomial

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Polynomial

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 5 May 1980 (35 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4658
  • Number of comments : 315
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 40 posted

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Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 8:38pm<b>imslappy</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 2:38pm<b>Wutdafuqq</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:01pm<b>Eliseopwns</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 7:44pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 2:58am

Polynomial's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

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Polynomial's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

by coppervains / 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

by sadlysingle / 02/21/2014 at 3:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:47am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

by dumbwifehappylife / 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

by elizabethkalyn / 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML

by foops / 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, my mom announced to everyone that she wants at least ten grandchildren. I'm an only child. FML

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

by freed / 01/29/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

by :( / 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm / Algeria / Miscellaneous

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm / Intimacy

Today, after three weeks of fighting with my husband, I found out that he really didn't create an account on a website for cheaters and charge the bill to his credit card. Our daughter did it as a prank, and only confessed because our fighting was stressing her out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:16pm / United States / Kids

Today, I bought a new, expensive dress for a date. I left the tag on and hidden in hopes of returning it later. Someone saw it and ripped it off for me to "save me from embarrassment." FML

by unicorn_skies / 01/18/2014 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous