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PlaySpades's favorite FMLs
Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2016 at 12:05pm / United States / Health
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML
by StillTooYoung / 01/20/2013 at 8:13am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by walkingdictionary / 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML
by Ugh / 11/04/2012 at 9:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Chuffy / 11/04/2012 at 2:28am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/30/2012 at 7:42pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by hating labels / 10/23/2012 at 4:21am / Australia / Kids
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML
by Jlhfan90 / 10/03/2012 at 11:34am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML
by whatswrongwithit?:( / 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy