About Phyre24 : I'm a Canadian. Watch NCIS. Bones and Burn Notice. Play CoD zombies, Halo, DayZ, Planetside 2 and AC. I'm very logical. I like reading the Drizzt series by R.A. Salvatore. Sherlock Holmes is my favourite detective of all time and I've read every single story.
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Phyre24's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
by whowhat / 07/11/2013 at 2:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML
by John / 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Erica / 07/08/2013 at 1:27pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML
by he's a dawk, and a cunt / 07/05/2013 at 6:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy
Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML
by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love
by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh / 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 4:38pm / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Animals
Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML
by assholedad / 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML
by lehonj49 / 06/21/2013 at 12:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by sicksicksick / 06/19/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…