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PhoenixMartinez's favorite FMLs
Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.
by Anonymous / 09/07/2016 at 11:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to the sound of my cat knocking things over. It wasn't until my boyfriend sat upright and checked, that I realized it actually wasn't our cat, but my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend trying to get into our second-story window. This isn't the first time she's done this. FML
by WendigogoAway / 08/15/2016 at 5:46am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but hey were out so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML
by NotAThief / 08/14/2016 at 6:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Kaibel / 05/21/2016 at 5:39pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML
by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
by Erin / 05/09/2016 at 10:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
by NickySimpson / 04/29/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 9:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 10:02pm / United States / Health
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML
by W T F / 06/03/2015 at 3:22am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, I learned that if a friend ever suggests you sleep with her boyfriend, it's probably because… Today, a sweet old man came knocking. He asked about my elderly neighbor who he has been trying to… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a…
- Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, I was travelling in a car. As I was discreetly picking my nose, we drove over a speed bump.… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…