Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PhoenixMartinez

Offline (13 hours ago) | Search for a member

PhoenixMartinez

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 530
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 38 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

PhoenixMartinez's page activity

Visits<b>feven</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 3:23pm<b>destructor2014</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 12:43am<b>TPH1979</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 8:36am<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 5:33am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 7:51am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 7:33pm<b>sam882</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 8:10pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 2:07am<b>missa8604</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 8:48pm<b>klauerbrianna</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 6:48pm<b>jmcr</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 10:34am<b>boobear19883</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:35pm<b>sapnagirl</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 11:18pm<b>kaceylee</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 9:08am<b>MrsWinchester</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:12am<b>DomiLove</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 8:12pm<b>hurtfeet</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:34pm<b>dozermila</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 5:07am

Liked!<b>klauerbrianna</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 12:48am<b>Metz_yolo</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 8:21am

PhoenixMartinez's FML badges

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of PhoenixMartinez's badges

PhoenixMartinez's favorite FMLs

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13799) - you deserved it (41907)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27609) - you deserved it (1932)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

#21362244
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25746) - you deserved it (4598)

On 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by MDoremis - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

#21361818
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32231) - you deserved it (2496)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:49pm - misc - by looking4newvenue (woman) - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

#21361801
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30045) - you deserved it (2794)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Wutdafuqq (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

#21361729
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30140) - you deserved it (5137)

On 02/23/2015 at 12:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

#21361518
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33261) - you deserved it (2877)

On 02/23/2015 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30732) - you deserved it (4475)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42622) - you deserved it (3988)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32973) - you deserved it (7854)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

#21360646
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32416) - you deserved it (2313)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29424) - you deserved it (7513)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34420) - you deserved it (2596)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27582) - you deserved it (3735)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I noticed our weekly biohazardous waste pickup didn't occur as usual at the surgery center where I work. After calling, the company informed me they were short staffed and couldn't make it out 'til next week. Guess that amputated finger is just going to marinate another week. FML



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: