PhoenixMartinez

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Offline (the 09/14/2016 at 4:15am)

PhoenixMartinez

2Fucked!

PhoenixMartinez
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3102
  • Number of comments : 62
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 41 posted

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PhoenixMartinez's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 12:42pm<b>ARetardedSeal</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 9:23am<b>lilauer13</b> - the 09/07/2016 at 11:14am<b>Jesmassimo</b> - the 09/07/2016 at 8:29am<b>missa8604</b> - the 09/06/2016 at 8:48pm<b>ItnHmn</b> - the 09/05/2016 at 9:55pm<b>DerSuldam</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 4:10pm<b>colvindj</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 11:09pm<b>feven</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 3:23pm<b>destructor2014</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 12:43am<b>TPH1979</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 8:36am<b>triplebeerox</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 5:33am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/26/2015 at 7:51am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 7:33pm<b>sam882</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 8:10pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 2:07am<b>klauerbrianna</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 6:48pm<b>jmcr</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 10:34am

Fucked!<b>klauerbrianna</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 12:48am<b>Metz_yolo</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 8:21am

PhoenixMartinez's FML badges

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See all of PhoenixMartinez's badges

PhoenixMartinez's favorite FMLs

Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.

by Anonymous / 09/07/2016 at 11:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to the sound of my cat knocking things over. It wasn't until my boyfriend sat upright and checked, that I realized it actually wasn't our cat, but my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend trying to get into our second-story window. This isn't the first time she's done this. FML

by WendigogoAway / 08/15/2016 at 5:46am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a store to buy some noodles, but hey were out so I left empty handed. When I left, the store the alarm went off so I was called back in, and they searched my bag. They didn't find any stolen goods. They did find a dead mouse my cat must have left for me, though. FML

by NotAThief / 08/14/2016 at 6:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice since I was 13. FML

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

by Erin / 05/09/2016 at 10:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I almost got fired for not following my boss on Twitter and Instagram. FML

by NickySimpson / 04/29/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 9:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2016 at 7:51am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 10:02pm / United States / Health

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

by W T F / 06/03/2015 at 3:22am / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy