Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

43Liked!

PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 November 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11962
  • Number of comments : 1069
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : Good day

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>qwertsarecool122</b> - yesterday at 7:52pm<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 9:05pm<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 4:04pm<b>cookiethumper</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 2:58pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 2:32am<b>wantmeasandwich</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 9:32am<b>zanoty</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 7:57pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 12:58pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 9:21am<b>bobdill</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 11:20pm<b>skylercoombs</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Doubtful_Judge</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 2:03am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 7:43pm<b>Paul19</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 11:12pm<b>sivadnahtanoj</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 7:43pm<b>Georgia951</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 6:15pm<b>emxy92</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 7:49am<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:34am

Liked!<b>clairesucks</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 7:32am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 2:21pm<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 12:44am<b>MehNameIsJuan</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 4:58pm<b>ClockworkPoleaxe</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 7:14am<b>ollis</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:03am<b>zikangtng</b> - the 02/09/2015 at 6:47am<b>feven</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 12:45am<b>kirbs19</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 10:04pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 8:31pm<b>ThatllDoDonkey</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 3:28am<b>iAmPaul</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 10:17pm<b>LeavenSilva</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 2:20am<b>gerardtheneko</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 9:17am<b>HyunnK</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 10:57pm<b>Azang7</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 1:32am<b>HighasaCloud</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 3:44am<b>colby6666</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 5:53pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33994) - you deserved it (22601)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

#21226890
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39575) - you deserved it (3572)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:09pm - health - by lacieQ (woman) - Canada

Today, my dad asked me how I would feel about going on an all-expenses-paid, month-long holiday to the Caribbean. I was ecstatic and broke into tears of joy, saying I'd love it. He replied, "Yeah, me too. Shame it ain't happening!" then left for work, laughing his arse off. FML

#21220536
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44496) - you deserved it (8516)

On 07/25/2014 at 6:46pm - misc - by xXshitface4uXx (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (39220)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching adult videos in my apartment. I'm deaf, so I didn't realize my volume was at full blast until I put my hand over the speaker. FML

#21206881
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59473) - you deserved it (12567)

On 07/12/2014 at 10:00am - intimacy - by weeping_angel_ - United States (New York)

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML

#21174627
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47481) - you deserved it (23573)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband reorganized our fridge for the World Cup. He cleared everything out and filled it with beer and chips. FML

#21171761
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42376) - you deserved it (10171) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/12/2014 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

#21171266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42907) - you deserved it (5124)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50156) - you deserved it (7644)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

#21170120
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41472) - you deserved it (18011)

On 06/10/2014 at 9:01pm - animals - by imalosertho (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

#21160529
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49998) - you deserved it (4129)

On 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45145) - you deserved it (8474)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

#21154136
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63227) - you deserved it (5573)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Yeppets - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

#21153496
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48030) - you deserved it (5036)

On 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

#21153463
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48450) - you deserved it (6391)

On 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by N O - Canada (Ontario)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: