About Ozzien : Meow.
Ozzien's FML badges
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
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Ozzien's favorite FMLs
Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML
by justplaindumb / 08/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
by fuckel4 / 07/01/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2016 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML
by Babyhazy / 06/05/2016 at 5:52pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, due to me not looking, I accidentally bit an apple made of styrofoam that was meant to be a part of a display on the kitchen table. My roommates were there and me not wanting to embarrass myself by putting it back, I walked out, apple in hand, to throw it away elsewhere. FML
by Cinnanyan / 06/02/2016 at 6:20am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML
by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek
by aianmoo16 / 05/01/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, I saw my cat licking something on the side of the road and went to check what it was. It was someone's old cigarette. I now know why she wants to be let out so often: She's addicted to nicotine. FML
by Emmaraine189 / 04/27/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
by Roomie pay rent plz / 04/23/2016 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Shotacon / 04/06/2016 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML
by O / 04/03/2016 at 11:38pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Work
by sorkin15 / 03/24/2016 at 5:06pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML
by GetAnotherRoomAlready / 03/12/2016 at 12:58am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML
by Never Been Arrested / 03/01/2016 at 4:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…