Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

OysterPearls

Online | Search for a member

OysterPearls

17Liked!

OysterPearls
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1401
  • Number of comments : 178
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 3 posted

About OysterPearls : Hi, I'm Pearl and I love you.

Black Lives Matter.

Shoot me a message if you'd like! But for every second that you aren't messaging me, a centipede loses a leg.

OysterPearls's page activity

Visits<b>Soninuva</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 11:34pm<b>yomomonastick</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 1:25pm<b>_Willa_</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 12:23pm<b>Jake42100</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 5:30am<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 12:09pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 1:03am<b>pooldude</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 10:10pm<b>drayloon</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 4:46am<b>Ashbo</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 10:34pm<b>Gates1488</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 9:40pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 12:25pm<b>angelk19</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 2:15am<b>simply_chan3l</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 10:20am<b>jay_ladybug</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 1:38am<b>ayejaye14</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 8:42pm<b>Salvanoi</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 11:39am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 5:15pm<b>j_cat187</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 5:14pm

Liked!<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 6:26pm<b>3051628</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 11:04pm<b>drayloon</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 11:52am<b>roza_and_dimka</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 5:14pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 5:09pm<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 5:38pm<b>mansfield_j</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 5:26pm<b>ghsthnt95</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 7:30am<b>kayzers</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 4:53am<b>vinnis</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 7:27pm<b>cjwayy</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 3:14am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 5:45pm<b>colby6666</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 10:35pm<b>ForeverSilent101</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 12:39pm<b>iris2288fml</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 6:22pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 6:43am

OysterPearls's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of OysterPearls's badges

OysterPearls's favorite FMLs

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

#21361818
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33211) - you deserved it (2519)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:49pm - misc - by looking4newvenue (woman) - United States

Today, I'm sick with a stomach flu. For the last 5 hours, I've been going back and forth from the couch to the bathroom. Each time I get into the bathroom, I have to make a choice of whether to sit on the toilet or kneel by it. Each time I have to clean up the other mess. FML

#21361729
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31147) - you deserved it (5186)

On 02/23/2015 at 12:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, away at college, I called my grandmother to hear how she was doing after her knee surgery. She ended up talking about Hooters and how I should work there because of my "rare body". When I mentioned I've been studying computer science, earning a 3.8 GPA, she replied, "But you're a girl." FML

#21361518
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34521) - you deserved it (2902)

On 02/23/2015 at 2:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a man approached me and told me he wanted to drink my dirty bath water. FML

Today, I decided to go all-natural and go to work without any makeup on. My boss swore I was on drugs, which I guess had absolutely nothing to do with the completely "random" drug test I had to take later in the day. FML

#21361118
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32043) - you deserved it (3116)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:36pm - work - by vaylosa (woman) -

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

#21361049
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29086) - you deserved it (3036)

On 02/22/2015 at 1:21pm - money - by HaliMali (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

#21360941
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29836) - you deserved it (4101)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:54am - health - by IngenuityAbsent - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend complimented me on how he liked my freckles down below. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they were just razor rash. FML

#21360762
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29367) - you deserved it (3995)

On 02/22/2015 at 12:15am - intimacy - by awkward.. (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

#21360688
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33792) - you deserved it (7946)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:47pm - misc - by wife - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years has a beautiful daughter. That's cool, except she's 1 year old. FML

#21360646
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33349) - you deserved it (2329)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML

#21360466
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32984) - you deserved it (3904)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, I got the most tear-jerking comment so far about my severe stutter. While I was talking to my neighbor, his little brother interrupted and asked me if I was possessed by a demon. FML

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (28065)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

#21360278
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36446) - you deserved it (2635)

On 02/21/2015 at 8:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28387) - you deserved it (3754)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: