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Orchard

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Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 20929
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>heyitscoley</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:26am<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 9:06pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:10pm<b>Steve97</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:43pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27582) - you deserved it (7300)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

#21395685
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22809) - you deserved it (30420)

On 04/18/2015 at 10:38am - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

#21394264
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17180) - you deserved it (33579)

On 04/15/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

#21393415
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24763) - you deserved it (2595)

On 04/14/2015 at 7:50am - work - by OptMouse (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

#21391716
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35015) - you deserved it (2794)

On 04/11/2015 at 8:12am - animals - by Crappy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

#21390746
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15501) - you deserved it (38734)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm - work - by Distracted (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out where my stolen car was. It was all the way in Maine. I live in Ohio and I got a $300 fine for illegal parking. FML

#21386559
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29057) - you deserved it (1933)

On 04/02/2015 at 2:47pm - money - by Bunsostriker (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

#21386342
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39793) - you deserved it (2391)

On 04/02/2015 at 2:43am - health - by usadisvet (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I dislocated my toe while putting on my socks. FML

#21384619
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29800) - you deserved it (5063)

On 03/31/2015 at 6:54am - health - by billy - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

#21384025
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39507) - you deserved it (3524)

On 03/30/2015 at 6:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

#21383487
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32196) - you deserved it (2202)

On 03/29/2015 at 9:33am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Benguet)

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

#21383476
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32438) - you deserved it (3037)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:54am - kids - by M.SHUKRI - United States (Illinois)

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

#21383103
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27247) - you deserved it (1834)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:30pm - misc - by Pukey - United States

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

#21383075
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (2202)

On 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML



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