Orchard

Search for a member

Offline (the 06/17/2016 at 1:18am)

Orchard

6Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 26632
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>C00k13monster</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 3:30am<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 7:08am<b>rhiley</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 6:01am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 10:46pm<b>StyrisSand</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 8:39pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 5:27pm<b>YourGrammarSucks</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 12:24pm<b>thecakeisalie13</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 7:06am<b>jwwood</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 12:19am<b>tyee47</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 10:22pm<b>zodiac74</b> - the 03/09/2016 at 11:28pm<b>DeadpoolBeast13</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:01pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 2:07pm<b>my_dog_is_better</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 7:10am<b>plebs_everywhere</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 12:15am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am

Fucked!<b>rhiley</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 12:01pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 8:08pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

by ScaredOfClowns / 12/31/2015 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Love

Today, I drove my friends two hours to see a tourist attraction I had been talking up for months. It burnt to the ground last week. FML

by DriveNowhere / 12/31/2015 at 6:50am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML

by just outdone / 12/30/2015 at 11:45pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML

by good job brain / 12/30/2015 at 4:07am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML

by SexxiKitty / 12/19/2015 at 5:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

by Zyopy / 12/18/2015 at 3:33am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

by Teacher / 12/16/2015 at 4:10am / New Zealand (Bay of Plenty) / Kids

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

by sparkus / 12/15/2015 at 10:15am / Health

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

by Moth_Balled / 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 7:45am / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

by MiceMiles / 12/10/2015 at 7:34am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

by badbitch23 / 12/07/2015 at 6:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.