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Orchard

Offline (the 01/31/2016 at 10:37pm) | Search for a member

Orchard

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 23892
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am<b>airassault</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:27pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 12:39am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:37am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 8:22am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:05pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:58pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:41am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:17am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 8:50am<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am<b>heyitscoley</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 9:52pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:26am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I texted my friend asking if he'd like to join my "porno group". I meant promo. I quickly texted back correcting the mistake, but not before I received the nudes he sent. FML

#21495924
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24166) - you deserved it (4149)

On 11/23/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hiitisbrooke - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

#21495829
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24472) - you deserved it (5218)

On 11/23/2015 at 9:31am - intimacy - by Stuby14 - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

#21494790
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (2542)

On 11/20/2015 at 9:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, an obese man decided it was okay to share a urinal with me. FML

#21494198
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22153) - you deserved it (1532)

On 11/18/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Creepedout - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

#21493255
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25138) - you deserved it (3207)

On 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by weldingmachine217 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

#21491232
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23700) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/11/2015 at 11:52am - health - by The horror... (woman) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

#21489909
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20099) - you deserved it (2090)

On 11/08/2015 at 12:14pm - work - by Eternal_Babyface (man) - United States

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

#21489841
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20541) - you deserved it (1665)

On 11/08/2015 at 5:03am - animals - by Geemeisters - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

#21489520
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21086) - you deserved it (2526)

On 11/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Hipnog (man) - Czech Republic

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

#21489205
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20690) - you deserved it (4419)

On 11/06/2015 at 12:02pm - kids - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

#21487876
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24192) - you deserved it (1634)

On 11/03/2015 at 12:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML

#21487370
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30983) - you deserved it (3911)

On 11/02/2015 at 2:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

#21485011
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26924) - you deserved it (1686)

On 10/27/2015 at 11:16am - love - by Congrats? - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to celebrate our 4-year anniversary with a shadow box I had made for her of our memories over the years. I left her house single, with a small bag of "breakup candy." FML

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

#21484127
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12623) - you deserved it (29577)

On 10/25/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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