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Orchard

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Orchard

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 24082
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>my_dog_is_better</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 7:10am<b>plebs_everywhere</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 12:15am<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 11:51pm<b>laurellkawes</b> - the 01/12/2016 at 9:51pm<b>MethuselahTurtle</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 6:54am<b>airassault</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:27pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 12:39am<b>hobbs96</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:37am<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 8:22am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 5:05pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:58pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:41am<b>talas122104</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 3:17am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 8:50am<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am

Fucked!<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 5:51am<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 6:39am<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 1:34am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I mistook a tree in my back yard as an intruder and called the police. FML

Today, I was giving my friend a crash course in Star Wars over coffee. As I was telling him about the primitive and savage Sand People, some attention-seeking tit came out of nowhere and called me racist. Apparently she thought I was talking about people from the Middle East. FML

#21505182
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22364) - you deserved it (1941)

On 12/18/2015 at 2:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I didn't secure my friend's wheelchair well enough to my car roof before giving him a ride. It flew off mid-drive and we still haven't found it. FML

#21505056
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19502) - you deserved it (6713)

On 12/18/2015 at 3:33am - misc - by Zyopy (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went for a soak in a mineral hot pool to relax after a stressful day teaching middle school. There were 120 middle schoolers there on a school trip. FML

#21504328
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23838) - you deserved it (1887)

On 12/16/2015 at 4:10am - kids - by Teacher (woman) - New Zealand (Bay of Plenty)

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

#21503969
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23955) - you deserved it (1609)

On 12/15/2015 at 10:15am - health - by sparkus -

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

#21503854
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26013) - you deserved it (5454)

On 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by Moth_Balled (man) - Australia

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

#21503222
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (1432)

On 12/13/2015 at 7:45am - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that miles are the same distance for everything. He thought that human miles were different than mouse miles, because they're smaller. He's 34. FML

#21502177
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22435) - you deserved it (2324)

On 12/10/2015 at 7:34am - misc - by MiceMiles (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

#21501232
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21592) - you deserved it (1861)

On 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#21501049
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19963) - you deserved it (1574)

On 12/07/2015 at 8:28am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

#21501013
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12708) - you deserved it (27442)

On 12/07/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by accidentalnorman -

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

#21500678
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20406) - you deserved it (1719)

On 12/06/2015 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

#21499834
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19123) - you deserved it (4215)

On 12/03/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by yayibs - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML

#21499650
38 comments


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