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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 21785
  • Number of comments : 195
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 09/25/2015 at 4:22pm<b>player20270</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 9:40am<b>Steve97</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 5:32pm<b>RichieRichhh</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 5:28pm<b>DR_TYRANOSAURUS</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:52am<b>heyitscoley</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 9:52pm<b>Indecisionx</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:26am<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 08/23/2015 at 9:06pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 11:10pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24021) - you deserved it (6038)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16820) - you deserved it (22809)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21098) - you deserved it (15692)

On 08/21/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by technicallywroteabook (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was taking a long relaxing shower, the shower head decided to fly off and hit me in the face. The dentist couldn't stop laughing. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20442) - you deserved it (4863)

On 08/20/2015 at 5:24pm - misc - by sstahpp (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24680) - you deserved it (8970)

On 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm - work - by BarhydtBran - United States (California)

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22398) - you deserved it (8841)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:35am - work - by babbling idiot - Canada

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28118) - you deserved it (2629)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20343) - you deserved it (8710)

On 08/10/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by monster1109 (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23014) - you deserved it (5849)

On 08/07/2015 at 8:51am - intimacy - by horsefuck (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24596) - you deserved it (5992)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:29am - animals - by funnnyyyyy -_- (woman) - Nepal

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25544) - you deserved it (1994)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21526) - you deserved it (1733)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

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Friday 2 October 2015

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