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Orchard

Offline (the 04/19/2015 at 4:37am) | Search for a member

Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 16087
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 7:42am<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>billboob</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 12:42pm<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 12:05pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 12:38am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 11:34pm<b>asmb100</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:10am<b>Evilseed</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 3:50am<b>Furby94</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 4:02pm<b>Raptor73242</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 4:56pm<b>sophielock</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 2:09am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 11:41pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

#4862674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55455) - you deserved it (2248)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Kitty_Gem (woman) - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

#4861565
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41471) - you deserved it (19488)

On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

#4859599
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67488) - you deserved it (2542)

On 08/27/2009 at 1:23pm - money - by crookedteeth (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was supposed to give a presentation to the incoming freshman about the dangers of drinking in college. My co-presenter showed up drunk. FML

#4858444
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41940) - you deserved it (4879)

On 08/27/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

#4850742
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36981) - you deserved it (2566)

On 08/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63770) - you deserved it (3226)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML

#4845223
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63770) - you deserved it (3226)

On 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm - misc - by AreYouSerious (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML

#4826792
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8883) - you deserved it (36199)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

#4810321
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40034) - you deserved it (20751)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

#4806587
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12710) - you deserved it (37155)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:40am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14136) - you deserved it (58313)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40207) - you deserved it (2605)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

#4800729
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36385) - you deserved it (6655)

On 08/25/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by singlesoon (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML

#4795795
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27340) - you deserved it (6569)

On 08/24/2009 at 9:45pm - work - by Sailorjoe (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got my first period. My dad bought me a card and had everyone in my family sign it. FML

#4787214
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53047) - you deserved it (4366)

On 08/24/2009 at 3:59pm - misc - by embarassed_chick (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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