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Orchard

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Orchard

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 13204
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

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Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

#12082068
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17270) - you deserved it (68302)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:53am - misc - by GirlishMan1883897 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

#12082057
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16889) - you deserved it (25114)

On 07/24/2010 at 6:50am - health - by breathexali (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

#12051058
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35699) - you deserved it (15318)

On 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

#12042807
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31800) - you deserved it (4458)

On 07/22/2010 at 10:48am - work - by GuardOtto - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

#12022109
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28093) - you deserved it (3665)

On 07/21/2010 at 9:52am - health - by blank - United States

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

#12022109
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28093) - you deserved it (3665)

On 07/21/2010 at 9:52am - health - by blank - United States

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

#11999440
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12631) - you deserved it (44011)

On 07/20/2010 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39437) - you deserved it (3860)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39437) - you deserved it (3860)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

#11983627
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100899) - you deserved it (5851)

On 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm - love - by betrayed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

#11980877
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28468) - you deserved it (7357)

On 07/19/2010 at 9:59am - kids - by Cody (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

#11890639
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (18482)

On 07/15/2010 at 1:19am - love - by lonely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

#11873804
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27109) - you deserved it (19217)

On 07/14/2010 at 11:17am - intimacy - by safetyfirst (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

#11861261
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10801) - you deserved it (37371)

On 07/13/2010 at 10:10pm - work - by magnolia (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

#11858705
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50072) - you deserved it (4176)

On 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm - work - by Camille (woman) - United States (Maine)



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