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Orchard

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Orchard

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Sunday 18 August 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 20307
  • Number of comments : 194
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Orchard : “There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred, and that is one of the deepest messages of the Incarnation.”
~ Madeleine L'Engle

Orchard's page activity

Visits<b>Steve97</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 10:43pm<b>kerripjones</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 8:06pm<b>deathpotato</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 3:10am<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 9:03pm<b>alex_gen</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 1:50pm<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 3:01am<b>billboob</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 12:04am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35am<b>TEZZ</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>countrygirl71</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 2:42pm<b>the_rad_brad47</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 6:24pm<b>Captain_Debilos</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:44am<b>senor_octubre</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Vaginabutter</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 6:20pm<b>kareniskaos</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 12:05am<b>Willibobs</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 7:31am<b>emotionalhentai</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 2:38pm<b>helloyes</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 12:05pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:42pm

Orchard's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Orchard's badges

Orchard's favorite FMLs

Today, I recently graduated from highschool and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

#13168401
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6241) - you deserved it (56254)

On 09/23/2010 at 10:17am - misc - by idiotwithaface - United States

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

#13157318
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46289) - you deserved it (9982)

On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

#13155074
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18180) - you deserved it (3404)

On 09/22/2010 at 10:36am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

#13147361
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25755) - you deserved it (16164)

On 09/21/2010 at 8:31pm - misc - by Laura - United States

Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML

#13140704
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37188) - you deserved it (4738)

On 09/21/2010 at 8:44am - kids - by cganon - United Kingdom

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

#13137769
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8431) - you deserved it (76320)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:49am - animals - by awesome - United States (Arizona)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23381) - you deserved it (2475)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his name or his moms name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we found her she told me "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

#13107358
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36279) - you deserved it (2525)

On 09/19/2010 at 12:27am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

#13090304
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24428) - you deserved it (2914)

On 09/17/2010 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

#13087587
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24677) - you deserved it (6839)

On 09/17/2010 at 4:33pm - misc - by huwauw (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

#13065604
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30468) - you deserved it (2147)

On 09/15/2010 at 8:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

#13060463
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8064) - you deserved it (22684)

On 09/15/2010 at 11:01am - work - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML

#13052349
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (5125)

On 09/14/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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