OptimusVader

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Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm)

OptimusVader

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5807
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 1:47pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:05pm<b>foampositedaddy</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 9:55pm<b>FreshDonuts</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:37am<b>jamaarlove</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 7:07pm<b>crazycatlady89</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 11:08pm<b>catlover5299</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:30pm<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:59pm<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 1:32am<b>a816090</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:53pm<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:04pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 9:22pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 1:08am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 10:29pm<b>weedle99</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 9:11pm<b>kayposion</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 12:53am<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 5:35pm<b>niksatter96</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 12:38pm

Fucked!<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 11:35pm<b>sayam2002</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:11pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 3:56pm

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

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OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm / Jamaica (Saint Andrew) / Intimacy

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

by Cat Piss / 12/15/2013 at 11:58am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

by justin / 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

by [...] / 12/12/2013 at 9:28am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Kids

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, as a pickup line, a guy said to me, "Yo, can I kiss your vag' under the mistletoe?" FML

by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

by purebliss / 12/05/2013 at 7:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy