OptimusVader

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Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 4:25pm)

OptimusVader

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5814
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About OptimusVader : I'm secretly a Jedi as well as a Pokemon Master. Some day I shall rule over the entire world, but I will be fair and just. :)

OptimusVader's page activity

Visits<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 1:47pm<b>junjunbun</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:05pm<b>foampositedaddy</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 9:55pm<b>FreshDonuts</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 8:37am<b>jamaarlove</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 7:07pm<b>crazycatlady89</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 11:08pm<b>catlover5299</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 10:30pm<b>goodvsevil1275</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 5:59pm<b>thedukutree123</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 1:32am<b>a816090</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:53pm<b>constipation</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:04pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 10/18/2015 at 9:22pm<b>PrincessKenny</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 1:08am<b>ThatOneChick856</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 10:29pm<b>weedle99</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 9:11pm<b>kayposion</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 12:53am<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 5:35pm<b>niksatter96</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 12:38pm

Fucked!<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 11:35pm<b>sayam2002</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:11pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 3:56pm

OptimusVader's FML badges

Checking you out

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Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of OptimusVader's badges

OptimusVader's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

by DaggerHole / 03/06/2014 at 9:54am / Australia / Health

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

by cockfist / 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Intimacy

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

by booksandshadows / 03/04/2014 at 4:06am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

by jill / 02/25/2014 at 11:59am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I have Hello Kitty band-aids on my nips because I dozed off while tanning and burned them extra crispy. FML

by extra crispy or original recipe / 02/16/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML

by chinaski7628 / 02/15/2014 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

by waymoreiwanted / 02/14/2014 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

by accident / 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

by airhead2015 / 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

by jigglepuff / 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous