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OnlyAvailableID's favorite FMLs
by whywouldyoudothat / 10/06/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by thanks babe / 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML
by mykodu / 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Potforapeso / 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by piper182 / 09/29/2014 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML
by Anonymous / 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/26/2014 at 4:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/24/2014 at 9:58am / United States / Work
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by hypercrite dad / 09/19/2014 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by clairebear104 / 09/18/2014 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by immature / 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Work
Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML
by Anonymous / 09/18/2014 at 3:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love