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OneNightStander

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OneNightStander
  • Town/Country : Im not telling, US
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 632
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About OneNightStander : What up!! Here's a little bit about me:
I can fly, but no sorry, you cant see.
I will own the world someday
I play soccer, favorite team is Real Madrid and FC Bayern München
I fluently speak German, English, and French
I'm a keeper.
I'm pretty chill, so message me if you want. I'm on the IPhone version, but allegedly you can message on it. Whew.
Now, leave my profile.

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OneNightStander's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

#20867249
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30671) - you deserved it (9726)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17111) - you deserved it (123272)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had a group presentation. I kept zipping my jacket up and down nervously. As I waited for my turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me. I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket. I only had a bra on underneath. FML

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

#20826932
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54404) - you deserved it (15246)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:10am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Latvia (Jelgavas)

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

#20822450
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47640) - you deserved it (4304)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by NO NO NO (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed hysterically and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62792) - you deserved it (8188)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

#20812145
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57186) - you deserved it (3613)

On 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36804) - you deserved it (3459)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

#20742848
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39231) - you deserved it (3286)

On 06/23/2013 at 3:39pm - love - by kittyfiddlernono (woman) - Bulgaria (Pernik)

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

#20742647
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49844) - you deserved it (3522)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by o_O (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

#20742609
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53829) - you deserved it (3197)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

#20742274
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54050) - you deserved it (20999)

On 06/23/2013 at 6:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

#20739366
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61846) - you deserved it (5022)

On 06/21/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML

#20739324
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47426) - you deserved it (4678)

On 06/21/2013 at 4:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

#20736762
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45729) - you deserved it (2877)

On 06/20/2013 at 4:35am - money - by what_the_hell (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)



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