About NiceGuysDoWin : I'm a business owner, father, and husband. My life is good.
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NiceGuysDoWin's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 11:43pm / United States / Health
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML
by ILoveLamps / 03/25/2015 at 2:26am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML
by shoggoth_wild / 02/27/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
by confused / 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by is_that_right / 12/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML
by If IQs could be negative... / 12/26/2014 at 2:28pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML
by Anonymous / 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by openended / 11/21/2014 at 11:56am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML
by gspotter / 11/14/2014 at 4:58pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by wow / 11/02/2014 at 10:23am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my friend drove up a parking lot and I unbuckled my seatbelt as soon as we were parked. He then suddenly saw a better spot right in front and moved his car. When I got out, a police officer approached me, saying I wasn't wearing my seatbelt. I was fined for that. FML
by TinyBouvier / 10/27/2014 at 4:04am / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Transportation
Today, I lost my laptop, but I have my old childhood computer to use. It's password-protected, and the hint to the password is "meaner than Hera." I haven't been into Greek mythology since I was a kid, and if anything, this computer has just shown me how dumb I've gotten over the years. FML
by HeckIfIKnow / 10/21/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…