About NeatNit : Hi. I know what you're thinking - you want my hat. This hat is mine; If you want it, you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead airholes.
NeatNit's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
NeatNit's favorite FMLs
Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML
by Bart / 07/03/2015 at 12:32am / Work
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML
by AnonymousZOMBIE / 06/25/2015 at 3:23pm / United States (Louisiana) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my sister told me that the only reason I like one guy is because he looks exactly like the guy that dumped me. I showed her two pictures to argue against it, and ended up proving her right. FML
by didn't notice for 2 years / 06/10/2015 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 8:21am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love
Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML
by alekoi / 05/13/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I'm an intern working in a company's reception area, which happens to have a coffee dispenser. As I'm the new girl, every client getting coffee wants to buy me one. I'm too polite to say no. It's 10:26 AM, and I'm on cup #17. FML
by chloe_zjk / 02/18/2015 at 12:22am / France / Work
Today, my boyfriend uploaded a pic to snapchat that said "the love of my life." It was a pic of our beautiful baby girl. Then he uploaded another pic that said "the 2nd love of my life." It was a pic of the fuel truck he drives for work. FML
by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 1:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by That_Indian_Guy / 11/15/2014 at 8:25am / United States (Florida) / Work
by elsatheannoyed / 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work
by 4evalone / 11/01/2014 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 11:47am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML
by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals
- Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the… Today, while on a six hour flight, someone offered to pay me $20 to swap seats with them. It seemed… Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am.…
- Today, I wasn't paying attention and instead of putting my hands in my bowl of Chips I put it in my… Today, I've always been told I look just like my dad. The only difference between me and him is our… Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. It was so secret, in fact, that no one told…