NPN_Scorpio

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Offline (the 03/20/2016 at 8:42pm)

NPN_Scorpio

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1848
  • Number of comments : 182
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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NPN_Scorpio's page activity

Visits<b>sarahxHx</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 11:46pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 5:16pm<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:06pm<b>TypoFairy</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 11:54pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 10:21pm<b>Miss_Whipped</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 8:11am<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 7:21am<b>cracchiolo</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 4:42am<b>SlapAndTickle</b> - the 07/30/2013 at 2:48am<b>mLove395</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 4:51pm<b>Treveyon56</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 5:04pm<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 8:51am<b>ColbyM88</b> - the 04/29/2013 at 6:11am<b>Dennisse_47</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 11:39pm<b>outoftown</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 9:17pm<b>ninjaCarebear</b> - the 04/22/2013 at 6:43pm<b>martinez121797</b> - the 03/11/2013 at 5:36am<b>lmfaowhatever</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 8:55am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 11:16pm

NPN_Scorpio's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of NPN_Scorpio's badges

NPN_Scorpio's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

by Marco / 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

by Employee / 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

by Nightmares / 08/07/2012 at 9:19am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

by me / 11/04/2011 at 12:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

by silkysmooth / 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

by poopcoloredeyes / 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

by backstabbed / 10/29/2011 at 3:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2011 at 11:24am / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

by birgz / 10/25/2011 at 8:42am / Love

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

by titoutou222 / 10/22/2011 at 8:40am / France / Kids