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NPN_Scorpio

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NPN_Scorpio
  • Town/Country : Stockholm
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 923
  • Number of comments : 157
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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NPN_Scorpio's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63171) - you deserved it (17990)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

#20570299
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15605) - you deserved it (37524)

On 04/01/2013 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Marco (man) - United States

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15860) - you deserved it (10096)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

#20007431
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19922) - you deserved it (5445)

On 08/07/2012 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Nightmares - United States

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35707) - you deserved it (7805)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (32981)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55167) - you deserved it (2954)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11630) - you deserved it (51471) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

#18153680
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15274) - you deserved it (45110)

On 11/04/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by me (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was almost out of conditioner, despite having just bought some. Apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to condition his pubes. He thinks doing this will make me want to give him more blowjobs. FML

#18123104
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27424) - you deserved it (4693)

On 10/31/2011 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by silkysmooth (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

#18121591
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28505) - you deserved it (2934)

On 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm - love - by poopcoloredeyes (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

#18101426
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31323) - you deserved it (1964)

On 10/29/2011 at 3:22am - love - by backstabbed - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22317) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

#18088166
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10485) - you deserved it (46999)

On 10/27/2011 at 11:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, my roommates sent a relationship request to my one night stand with my Facebook account. She accepted, and sent me a long message confessing her love for me. I can't remember her. FML

#18070984
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21644) - you deserved it (18078)

On 10/25/2011 at 8:42am - love - by birgz (woman) -



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