Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

MrSassypants

Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member

MrSassypants

129Fucked!

MrSassypantsMrSassypants
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 28732
  • Number of comments : 2115
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About MrSassypants : Hello there! My, oh my, don't you look good today!? Dang, male/female/human/alien/4thDimensional creature visiting my profile, you look stunning!

Anyways, my name is Kevin, and I use this app when I am bored, meaning all the time so I'm online often.

Well I lied on my profile and said I am about 23 years old. I am 19. Sorry I am a filthy liar. You should call me and tell me how much of a filthy boy I am. My number is: 012-345-6789.

MrSassypants's page activity

Visits<b>llamingo</b> - 6 hours ago<b>guardloverz123</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Slycooper997</b> - 15 hours ago<b>bigbluetardis</b> - 16 hours ago<b>DumbAndYoung</b> - 18 hours ago<b>y007346</b> - 19 hours ago<b>Ashfyr</b> - 19 hours ago<b>hurtfeet</b> - 19 hours ago<b>ItsAlly</b> - 19 hours ago<b>melons</b> - 23 hours ago<b>thelochNess9</b> - 23 hours ago<b>DerekCorbett</b> - yesterday at 5:35pm<b>unkn0wnx25</b> - yesterday at 4:31pm<b>Khaleesi_D</b> - yesterday at 4:06pm<b>countrygirl2272</b> - yesterday at 2:20pm<b>lfrider92</b> - yesterday at 1:50pm<b>hayleymaybe</b> - yesterday at 1:11pm<b>danial1214</b> - yesterday at 12:30pm

Fucked!<b>guardloverz123</b> - 3 hours ago<b>hayleymaybe</b> - 23 hours ago<b>Jiratias</b> - yesterday at 4:19pm<b>knobatnight</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 2:31am<b>asspole</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 1:03pm<b>lalundsten</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 4:03am<b>bugmenotmofo</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 5:01pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:57pm<b>Defalt</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 7:00pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 2:33pm<b>StrangeNigga</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:03am<b>ismedrage</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 11:48am<b>Starburrito</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 1:41pm<b>ZombieVampirez</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:49am<b>Skyzeri</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 2:13am<b>thebakingseal</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 3:13pm<b>imunoz903</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:36am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 8:12pm

MrSassypants's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

See all of MrSassypants's badges

MrSassypants's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of correcting him, I got so used to my boss calling me "Alex" that I didn't respond to my own name several times today. FML

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (27136)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

#21315500
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28460) - you deserved it (3407)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Soverytired (woman) - Australia

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29126) - you deserved it (6855)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

#21313670
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30846) - you deserved it (4682)

On 12/08/2014 at 9:12am - love - by lovethateuropeanblood (woman) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

#21312305
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33886) - you deserved it (3302)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:18am - work - by ring-a-ding-ding (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

#21312200
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27566) - you deserved it (13918)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:32pm - animals - by sting - United States (California)

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

#21311912
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30222) - you deserved it (2909)

On 12/05/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by has an old monitor (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

#21311642
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24136) - you deserved it (6896)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:56pm - misc - by shugette212 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43302) - you deserved it (3074)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband shaved off his beard. Turns out he looks like my ex. FML

Today, I dug out the 5 fancy, extremely expensive candles I bought during Black Friday. I lit one up, and was delighted that it smelled so great. My mother then walked into my room and stated that it smelled "like shit". The other four were going to be a Christmas gift for her. FML

#21309261
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30849) - you deserved it (3285)

On 12/01/2014 at 2:30am - money - by shitty candles - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

#21308445
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31163) - you deserved it (3223)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

#21308382
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29806) - you deserved it (2748)

On 11/29/2014 at 10:20pm - misc - by Drew (man) - United States (Kentucky)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: