Search for a member

Offline (the 10/24/2016 at 4:18am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 January 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7080
  • Number of comments : 425
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Mortoli : Mostly a loner. But love gaming and anime. I am a security guard. if you ever see a tall guy with headphones in his ears probably me listening to rock. Or techno or X-ray dog. And if you ever wanna chat I'm always up to it. I'm on fml almost daily. I'm always waiting for next persons story.

Mortoli's page activity

Visits<b>Sayeret_Matkal</b> - the 09/21/2016 at 1:49am<b>harlsp</b> - the 08/18/2016 at 6:10am<b>WhatAMorning</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 11:32pm<b>isabelc</b> - the 08/10/2016 at 10:13pm<b>Markgray2525</b> - the 08/08/2016 at 12:56am<b>Notagaiiiiin</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 10:37pm<b>allie2590</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 3:19pm<b>JCRouzer29</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 2:39pm<b>SuperCasual</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 1:26pm<b>Hunter_the_Ninja</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 11:59am<b>angelnursery</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 10:50am<b>EnsoPiglet</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 10:34am<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 10:18am<b>JZAMORA777</b> - the 08/06/2016 at 5:41pm<b>doraquiexplore</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 6:26pm<b>rla200</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 9:56pm<b>HBSLICE</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 3:23pm<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 8:17am

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/30/2016 at 2:31am<b>Ghost_Kaulitz</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 3:28pm<b>PencilTips</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 1:11pm<b>aspecialspecial</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 5:28am<b>thatperson35423</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 11:24pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 2:14am<b>missmoschner</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:24pm<b>xoreggie</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 8:11am<b>bmolover57</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:18am

Mortoli's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Mortoli's badges

Mortoli's favorite FMLs

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

by full moon / 09/07/2016 at 10:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

by failedparenting / 09/07/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I accidentally sent my boss an explicit text message. She replied saying, "Very detailed, if only you put that much effort into your work". FML

by whoops / 09/02/2016 at 10:49am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Work

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

by Earthling / 08/24/2016 at 10:20pm / Colombia (Distrito Especial) / Work

Today, I woke up to an angry and threatening email from a porn company. Apparently, I took a sleeping pill last night and wrote a nasty email to the company about how they mistreat women. The best part: I used a web contact form instead of an email, so I have absolutely no idea what I wrote. FML

by damn you Ambien / 08/03/2016 at 1:48am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML

by what sex life? / 08/02/2016 at 2:26am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML

by CliffyB03 / 08/01/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

by NeitherHrotsvitNorErkembaldus / 07/29/2016 at 5:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2016 at 2:10pm / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

by chickfilady / 07/28/2016 at 11:10pm / Work

Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

by CyberPsycho / 07/28/2016 at 12:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

by NoDocVisit / 07/26/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my budgie learned to fly, having finally outgrown his clipped wings. He flew straight over the gate, out the door and into my dogs jaws. FML

by InsanityShard / 07/25/2016 at 11:26pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

by JFC / 07/17/2016 at 3:56pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got grounded for having a boner when I woke up. FML

by nightjay / 07/11/2016 at 10:32am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.