Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 January 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3623
  • Number of comments : 277
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Mortoli : Mostly a loner. But love gaming and anime. Fluke Mortoli ps3 name. And yes the picture is a face of me playing with my food. Lol. It was good. And for all you veggietereans, or however that spelled, lol, sorry for explicit profile pic. In any case I am a security guard and pretty much only thing I enjoy doing outside me house is watching the moon and stars at work 12 hour shift is nice cause I get to watch the rise and set. Most people my age wouldn't like 12 hour shifts at night but I don't mind it. And if you ever see a tall guy with headphones in his ears probably me listening to rock. Or techno or X-ray dog. And if you ever wanna chat I'm always up to it. I'm on fml almost daily. I'm always waiting for next persons story. Oh and just now found a fencing sword in my rooms attic closet thing. Only thing on it says Toledo. Message me if interested on teaching me about this sword will add a picture on me profile later.

Mortoli's page activity

Visits<b>martin8337</b> - 8 hours ago<b>rnarshmallow</b> - 15 hours ago<b>oldmanringo</b> - 20 hours ago<b>Karennnx</b> - yesterday at 4:38pm<b>sturschaedel</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 1:42am<b>prissysgirl16</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:28pm<b>jessal</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 9:28pm<b>annalily5</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 7:18pm<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 7:06pm<b>MDoremis</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 2:28am<b>defqon2015</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:41pm<b>Eliiara</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 7:52pm<b>ZanderBorn</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 10:38am<b>missmoschner</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 11:23am<b>LadyLelan</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 5:47pm<b>Gabygonzalez9211</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 10:33am<b>TechnoKitten</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 2:39am<b>Nicky816</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 1:03am

Fucked!<b>missmoschner</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:24pm<b>xoreggie</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 8:11am<b>bmolover57</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:18am

Mortoli's FML badges


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Mortoli's badges

Mortoli's favorite FMLs

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22876) - you deserved it (3454)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML


I agree, your life sucks (21562) - you deserved it (2198)

On 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21055) - you deserved it (4135)

On 07/27/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, I found out why my girlfriend was so excited to get to see me. She finally got to end the relationship she didn't want anymore. FML

Today, I had to bail my ex-husband out of jail. He didn't want his new wife to get mad at him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18100) - you deserved it (11261)

On 07/26/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by blondebarbie271 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went on a fabulous date with a really cute, smart, funny guy. He only mentioned his dad, so when I asked about his mom, I asked if they were divorced. She'd died of breast cancer so I felt awful. Then I asked if his dad had ever remarried. His stepmom had died of cancer too. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25441) - you deserved it (2031)

On 07/26/2015 at 2:15pm - love - by lextoast - Rwanda

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (1882)

On 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19675) - you deserved it (2759)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:20am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26162) - you deserved it (4539)

On 07/24/2015 at 8:12pm - intimacy - by strangely - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me serious shit because I couldn't name 10 Pokémon. He said he even considered dumping me. Glad to know he has his priorities straight. FML

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (25813) - you deserved it (2983)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm - misc - by AK-47 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (3587)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:56am - misc - by distracted - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26504) - you deserved it (1622)

On 07/09/2015 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22872) - you deserved it (3924)

On 07/08/2015 at 3:04am - animals - by coolcat10156 (woman) - United States (Texas)

FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: