Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1133
  • Number of comments : 224
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About MortenM : You won't hear me saying that I'm Batman. I have just never been seen with Batman...

... and I laugh at other peoples misery on FML. Besides I live in Cyprus and kills cockroaches in my apartment when I see them. It's an even game unfortunately - The little bastards keeps coming

MortenM's page activity

Visits<b>MechanicKayla</b> - 5 hours ago<b>jordaandanielle</b> - 22 hours ago<b>christina3466</b> - 22 hours ago<b>kjax</b> - 24 hours ago<b>my_account_</b> - 24 hours ago<b>Mossygirl357</b> - yesterday at 7:03pm<b>annarcheer</b> - yesterday at 7:02pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 12:53am<b>Rockyroad20</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 12:51am<b>rareawesomeness</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 12:17am<b>awkwardeer</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 10:19pm<b>EmmaRey</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:25pm<b>Khaleesi_26</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:15pm<b>kent123654</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 11:23am<b>imb2</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 5:06am<b>toowhite</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 2:57am<b>Dontstealmyname</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 6:29am<b>michael3709</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 11:09pm

Liked!<b>my_account_</b> - 19 hours ago<b>annarcheer</b> - 20 hours ago<b>jcshadow</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 8:34pm<b>ClaireBrush</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 10:59pm<b>shanannygians07</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 2:58am<b>stephanyovalle</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 10:59pm<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 4:40am<b>brieee</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 11:45pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 4:48am<b>seemetrot</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 4:25pm<b>swetha590</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 11:14am

MortenM's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!


Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of MortenM's badges

MortenM's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (35263) - you deserved it (11534)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43069) - you deserved it (6148)

On 05/04/2014 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41355) - you deserved it (10525)

On 05/04/2014 at 1:17pm - health - by Numbass123 (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49624) - you deserved it (4529)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42033) - you deserved it (17625)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42669) - you deserved it (3549)

On 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm - animals - by now have a cat - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54184) - you deserved it (13439)

On 04/21/2014 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Sue Ellen (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42923) - you deserved it (6261)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52205) - you deserved it (5729)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (53497)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML


I agree, your life sucks (18772) - you deserved it (135033)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

FML's blog

  • Sidonie's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! In this week's edition, some pedalos, some kittens, a bunch of gypsy singers, some ponytails, a crooner, a house that looks like Hitler, a joke about George W. Bush's cocaine habit and a brilliant…

Thursday 19 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: