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Mean_Mr_Mustard

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Mean_Mr_Mustard
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 18 April 1991 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 1072
  • Number of comments : 238
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 23 posted

About Mean_Mr_Mustard : I do not have a list of favorite brethren FML'ers, favorite music, things I hate about fellow gentlefolk, and I do not loovve you. I don't even know you and if I do know you then I don't know that I know you and I still probably don't love you.

I drive like a grandma, I have used tissues in my coat pockets from god only knows when, I snort when I laugh really hard, I am a narcissist, I have way too many phobia's to keep track, probably a mental illness or two, I have detailed conversations with myself in my head and have been known to act out argument I am having with myself from time to time, I am contemplating becoming a buddhist but I am not sure that I am ready for that type of a commitment just yet, I dislike to an extreme amount how homosapiens have treated this wonderland we call home, I am that girl that says "did you know....." way too much, and incase you were wondering I do in fact piss excellent. Basically if I was of the male population I would never get laid, but I am female and appealing to the retina's.

This is niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice....

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100 kick ass comments

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Mean_Mr_Mustard's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

#19048896
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5689) - you deserved it (17132)

On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

#18986736
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29961) - you deserved it (2659)

On 02/03/2012 at 8:17pm - intimacy - by B (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

#18968605
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28837) - you deserved it (3071)

On 02/01/2012 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by manhandled - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

#18127858
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10046) - you deserved it (50659)

On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

#18098771
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25597) - you deserved it (4062)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:19pm - work - by NoMoreMeters - United States (Ohio)

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. The only way I could have gotten pregnant is from having gotten drunk and sleeping with my ex. We broke up because I didn't want children. FML

#18088166
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10494) - you deserved it (47009)

On 10/27/2011 at 11:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12173) - you deserved it (32299)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML

#18078195
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25171) - you deserved it (3672)

On 10/26/2011 at 1:43am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

#18071770
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28591) - you deserved it (6594)

On 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by beccav23 - United States (Texas)

Today, marks the fourth straight night that my girlfriend has screamed and cried in fear, scratching and kicking me in her sleep. The reason? I took her to see Paranormal Activity 3. FML

#18061589
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12459) - you deserved it (42195)

On 10/24/2011 at 5:47am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

#18060415
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10673) - you deserved it (38558)

On 10/24/2011 at 1:04am - love - by ShitHappens - United States

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

#18057227
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23603) - you deserved it (1780)

On 10/23/2011 at 7:32pm - health - by charlotte9338 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

#18037423
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18952) - you deserved it (10874)

On 10/21/2011 at 7:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

#18036926
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24990) - you deserved it (4505)

On 10/21/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by drunkboysgf - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

#18036713
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8542) - you deserved it (31105)

On 10/21/2011 at 2:32am - love - by hatetodisappoint - United States



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