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MaximumBeat

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MaximumBeat
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  • Number of visits : 45
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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MaximumBeat's favorite FMLs

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

#21109873
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39213) - you deserved it (3454)

On 04/10/2014 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by freakedout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out that, after having moved over 500 miles to begin a post-graduate degree, I'm being kicked out of the house I'm renting. We haven't yet signed agreements. Apparently I "keep the kitchen too clean". FML

#21097212
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36274) - you deserved it (2930)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:45pm - work - by homeless - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

#21091119
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35795) - you deserved it (4519)

On 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm - misc - by BigBlue (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

#21080041
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (7885)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

#21015899
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40179) - you deserved it (7592) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm - misc - by Elisa_LmR (woman) - France

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39856) - you deserved it (9264)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML

#20932505
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52713) - you deserved it (3258)

On 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm - misc - by soon to be divorced (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48161) - you deserved it (5860)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

#20703677
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51820) - you deserved it (4650)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

#20567905
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38139) - you deserved it (4984)

On 03/31/2013 at 3:00am - misc - by Mr.no contacts (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

#16322512
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35577) - you deserved it (3803)

On 05/24/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by nr1234 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25966) - you deserved it (4202)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States



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