About MaximumBeat : I'm a time-traveler.
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Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML
by weldingmachine217 / 11/16/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2015 at 1:16pm / Japan / Health
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
by unsuckable / 08/28/2015 at 2:13am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML
by Animeislyfe / 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML
by oooooops / 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by schoolsucks / 03/10/2015 at 7:28am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Josh / 03/05/2015 at 7:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/24/2015 at 9:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Lily_Rain77 / 01/07/2015 at 7:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 9:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by very punny / 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love