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MaryssaJean's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/26/2015 at 8:08am / United States / Love
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML
by rejected / 10/02/2014 at 4:56am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Work
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML
by Tiny / 07/29/2014 at 4:27am / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML
by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 9:47am / United States (California) / Work
by freakingout / 09/04/2012 at 5:55pm / United States (New York) / Health
by cjd / 03/23/2012 at 10:23am / Canada (Quebec) / Health
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
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- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd… Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He… Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started…
- Today, I was driving in a straight line on a completely deserted road in the open bush. I sneezed… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…