Martinez0285

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Martinez0285

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Martinez0285Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6064
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

https://www.youtube.com/user/x1xBatmanuelx1x

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Martinez0285's page activity

Visits<b>ALittleFreak</b> - 9 hours ago<b>KcChaos26</b> - 21 hours ago<b>arasx0</b> - yesterday at 6:05pm<b>eveellyynn</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 1:14pm<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 5:50am<b>Scotth901</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 4:40pm<b>Nai_Wiley</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 11:31pm<b>howard1954</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 2:21pm<b>classicate</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 12:31pm<b>justgotosleep</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 11:45am<b>AwkwardBookworm</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 2:53am<b>delilablue95</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 11:34pm<b>nahara_moreno</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 7:45pm<b>Cherhorowitz</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 4:56pm<b>SuperDani</b> - the 06/16/2016 at 1:27am<b>darkniss</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 9:08am<b>charrbee90</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 2:00am<b>ugalde976</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 12:18am

Fucked!<b>KcChaos26</b> - 15 hours ago<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 8:07pm<b>classicate</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 6:31pm<b>justgotosleep</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 5:45pm<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 8:53pm<b>hennessy89</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 3:45am<b>ugalde976</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 9:45am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:03pm<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 5:55pm<b>James64138</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 6:10pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 8:04pm<b>michelle42</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 2:01am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:15am<b>bbackensto</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 3:57pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 9:30pm<b>Anais457</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:37pm<b>Threnody666</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:40am<b>Prerogative</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:05pm

Martinez0285's FML badges

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of Martinez0285's badges

Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

by unhappy wifey / 09/28/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2012 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

by UnknownOperation / 09/04/2012 at 9:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

by Lauren / 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

by lisahb / 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

by k / 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Transportation

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

by iris / 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

by iris / 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

by smh / 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 10:01am / United States / Intimacy