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Martinez0285

Offline (the 02/06/2016 at 4:21am) | Search for a member

Martinez0285

57Fucked!

Martinez0285Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5538
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

https://www.youtube.com/user/x1xBatmanuelx1x

Martinez0285's page activity

Visits<b>914smv</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 12:26pm<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:57pm<b>lulumars</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 6:20pm<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 11:55am<b>CarmenCnh</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 1:04pm<b>ToxicLover29</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 1:38am<b>James64138</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 12:09pm<b>xargling</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 11:28am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 11:45am<b>macncheeze97</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 12:28am<b>awishadahbau5</b> - the 01/03/2016 at 11:31pm<b>lil_c_03</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 10:55pm<b>weirdncrazy</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 10:54pm<b>sophie_doll</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 2:09pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 2:05pm<b>morganfaye9</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 9:53pm<b>michelle42</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 8:01pm<b>SlowDownImaNoob</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 9:50pm

Fucked!<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 5:55pm<b>James64138</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 6:10pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 8:04pm<b>michelle42</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 2:01am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:15am<b>bbackensto</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 3:57pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 9:30pm<b>Anais457</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:37pm<b>Threnody666</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:40am<b>Prerogative</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:05pm<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:54pm<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 6:44am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 8:54am<b>BellaSweeto</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 7:19pm<b>kandysnow</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:56am<b>amileah13</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:52am<b>bhopejohnston</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:30am<b>kylie31</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 3:19am

Martinez0285's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of Martinez0285's badges

Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

#20106351
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41115) - you deserved it (13484)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36882) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14071) - you deserved it (48595)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

#20091884
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23733) - you deserved it (3805)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:09am - love - by unhappy wifey (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

#20080189
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9672) - you deserved it (27329)

On 09/20/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

#20057214
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29816) - you deserved it (3783)

On 09/04/2012 at 9:51am - misc - by UnknownOperation (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

#20031010
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35624) - you deserved it (3933)

On 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by Lauren - United States (Iowa)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36508) - you deserved it (4517)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

#19814133
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you deserved it (3099)

On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)

Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML

#19761420
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19467) - you deserved it (61996)

On 06/09/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by k - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13358) - you deserved it (34296)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13358) - you deserved it (34296)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

#19618137
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9585) - you deserved it (34575)

On 05/13/2012 at 6:30pm - misc - by smh (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
609 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25829) - you deserved it (57159)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60310) - you deserved it (4652)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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