Martinez0285

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Martinez0285

69Fucked!

Martinez0285Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6711
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : Like zombies eatin dust in Mexico...

I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

https://www.youtube.com/user/x1xBatmanuelx1x

Martinez0285's page activity

Visits<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 11/29/2016 at 3:33am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 11/27/2016 at 9:27am<b>Jayroc</b> - the 11/11/2016 at 9:34pm<b>xDrSeussIsDeadX</b> - the 11/07/2016 at 3:10pm<b>BryantStone</b> - the 10/21/2016 at 4:41pm<b>brianna_lois</b> - the 10/11/2016 at 4:09pm<b>hewbzy</b> - the 09/18/2016 at 2:17pm<b>Mylehz</b> - the 09/07/2016 at 7:48pm<b>Aniki_Sohma</b> - the 09/01/2016 at 4:06pm<b>awishadahbau5</b> - the 08/28/2016 at 2:25am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 1:00pm<b>slapstick1982</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 9:52am<b>Myeyesbleed</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 7:17am<b>Teyros</b> - the 08/14/2016 at 7:27pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 2:23pm<b>melisssa87</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 2:54pm<b>2simz</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 3:38am<b>gkmd98</b> - the 08/04/2016 at 7:27pm

Fucked!<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 11/08/2016 at 8:16am<b>xDrSeussIsDeadX</b> - the 11/07/2016 at 9:10pm<b>melisssa87</b> - the 08/03/2016 at 1:02am<b>KcChaos26</b> - the 06/28/2016 at 4:57am<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 8:07pm<b>classicate</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 6:31pm<b>justgotosleep</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 5:45pm<b>hennessy89</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 3:45am<b>ugalde976</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 9:45am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:03pm<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 5:55pm<b>James64138</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 6:10pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 8:04pm<b>michelle42</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 2:01am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:15am<b>bbackensto</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 3:57pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 9:30pm<b>Anais457</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:37pm

Martinez0285's FML badges

One more and it's business time

You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

See all of Martinez0285's badges

Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML

by lonely / 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm / United States / Love

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

by zahra_786 / 04/11/2013 at 5:11am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

by Bigfatfailure / 03/28/2013 at 6:02am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

by couch_potato / 03/28/2013 at 3:53am / Intimacy

Today, my dad came out of jail. He showed me his tattoo of a bible on his chest with all his 13 kids' names on it. I'm the only one whose name is spelled wrong. FML

by XoxoChula / 03/22/2013 at 1:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

by djxerxes9000 / 02/07/2013 at 9:56pm / Canada / Work

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

by LearnGeographyUSA / 12/12/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

by scaredinnyc / 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous