Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5078
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

Martinez0285's page activity

Visits<b>missmorggan</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Miss_Blaine</b> - 18 hours ago<b>random_funnygirl</b> - yesterday at 11:51am<b>Anais457</b> - yesterday at 10:37am<b>Threnody666</b> - yesterday at 6:31am<b>colton_colton</b> - yesterday at 12:28am<b>makeupgirl</b> - yesterday at 6:11pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 12:05pm<b>scarlett3diaz</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:50am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 9:23pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 10:54am<b>chevycop</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 3:36am<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 8:54am<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 1:50am<b>ourtneyc</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 12:30am<b>bam3420</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 12:08am<b>derpyshy</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 9:54pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 10/08/2015 at 6:22pm

Fucked!<b>missmorggan</b> - just now<b>Anais457</b> - yesterday at 4:37pm<b>Threnody666</b> - yesterday at 4:40am<b>Prerogative</b> - yesterday at 6:05pm<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:54pm<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 6:44am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 8:54am<b>BellaSweeto</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 7:19pm<b>kandysnow</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:56am<b>amileah13</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:52am<b>bhopejohnston</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:30am<b>kylie31</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 3:19am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 9:05pm<b>scarlett3diaz</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 6:39pm<b>cheeology</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 6:25pm<b>analise1998</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 11:51am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 11:53pm<b>elohnah</b> - the 09/10/2015 at 3:22pm

Martinez0285's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.


You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of Martinez0285's badges

Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend lost his temper with me and complained that my "constant" apologies for upsetting him drive him insane, and without thinking, I said I was sorry. He hung up and I haven't heard from him since. FML


Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49369) - you deserved it (3606)

On 06/03/2013 at 7:13pm - misc - by fuck wannabe knowitalls (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML


I agree, your life sucks (67739) - you deserved it (15020)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27812) - you deserved it (139724)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29300) - you deserved it (36821)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43883) - you deserved it (2802)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53219) - you deserved it (7459)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54208) - you deserved it (20808)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53610) - you deserved it (5155)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (66862) - you deserved it (4373)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML


Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML


I agree, your life sucks (42524) - you deserved it (5719)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm - animals - by emma_waters23 - United States (California)

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house. After asking him what was wrong due to his weird attitude, he responded with, "This isn't working; I'm in love with my sister." FML


I agree, your life sucks (68811) - you deserved it (4233)

On 04/14/2013 at 11:45pm - love - by lonely (woman) - United States

Scarlatine's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Scarlatine's illustrated FML
  • Are your abs well-toned and look like you’re made of metal? Feel like a machine ready to take whatever the crossfit fad can throw at you? Do you scream, ”Bro, do you Even lift?" at people during…

Monday 5 October 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: