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Martinez0285

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Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, Tx, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 950
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman shhhhhhhhhh

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50861) - you deserved it (3880)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28915) - you deserved it (4753)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27089) - you deserved it (14178)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

#17315983
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34536) - you deserved it (11899)

On 07/31/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by creepedout - United States

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67066) - you deserved it (6316)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38060) - you deserved it (25746) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

#14515582
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32573) - you deserved it (6575)

On 01/09/2011 at 12:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

#14500845
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23808) - you deserved it (3534)

On 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm - work - by poop (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to a broken window and 3 guys sitting in my living room watching TV. FML

#13413623
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32874) - you deserved it (2567)

On 10/11/2010 at 11:06pm - misc - by anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

#13321339
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (40715)

On 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

#12485840
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24145) - you deserved it (25453)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm - intimacy - by Blueberrypicc (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

#12485840
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24145) - you deserved it (25453)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm - intimacy - by Blueberrypicc (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

#8331914
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17525) - you deserved it (4278)

On 02/16/2010 at 5:46am - work - by MikeIsMaster (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

#8292337
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27843) - you deserved it (3552)

On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML

#7638250
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10423) - you deserved it (31162)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:08am - misc - by tattooooooface - United States



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