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Martinez0285

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Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, Tx, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 956
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman shhhhhhhhhh

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22596) - you deserved it (39984)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by think i'm dating perdix (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML

#20507523
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36255) - you deserved it (8100)

On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had an in-depth conversation at work about how technically Luke Skywalker was never a Jedi Master. Highlight of my working day. FML

#20497564
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17059) - you deserved it (4721)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:56pm - work - by djxerxes9000 - Canada

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36412) - you deserved it (2020)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6542) - you deserved it (24840)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (5415)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

#20142623
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38518) - you deserved it (1436)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30478) - you deserved it (3184)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

#20106351
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28726) - you deserved it (8969)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9711) - you deserved it (39555)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

#20031010
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29170) - you deserved it (3260)

On 08/19/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by Lauren - United States (Iowa)

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

#19926709
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30681) - you deserved it (3890)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

#19814133
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28201) - you deserved it (2585)

On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9873) - you deserved it (27314)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9873) - you deserved it (27314)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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