Martinez0285

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Offline (the 05/21/2016 at 9:58pm)

Martinez0285

60Fucked!

Martinez0285Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5932
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

https://www.youtube.com/user/x1xBatmanuelx1x

Martinez0285's page activity

Visits<b>hennessy89</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 9:45pm<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 04/20/2016 at 3:04pm<b>ajh1800</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 11:03pm<b>lilmisstif</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 1:26pm<b>ugalde976</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 3:45am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 10:19am<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 12:25pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 10:03am<b>ajahchenae</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 12:40am<b>Duceirae</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 6:18pm<b>fbcclaire</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:27am<b>Tiaxlnr</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 4:31pm<b>sweetie808</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 10:34am<b>OhSnapItsSkyla</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 10:36am<b>914smv</b> - the 02/08/2016 at 12:26pm<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 9:57pm<b>lulumars</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 6:20pm<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 11:55am

Fucked!<b>hennessy89</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 3:45am<b>ugalde976</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 9:45am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 4:03pm<b>_itsbridgett</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 5:55pm<b>James64138</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 6:10pm<b>rookworst</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 8:04pm<b>michelle42</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 2:01am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:15am<b>bbackensto</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 3:57pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 9:30pm<b>Anais457</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:37pm<b>Threnody666</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:40am<b>Prerogative</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:05pm<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:54pm<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 6:44am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 8:54am<b>BellaSweeto</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 7:19pm<b>kandysnow</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:56am

Martinez0285's FML badges

Supersize Menu

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Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Inception

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

by good_aim / 07/27/2013 at 4:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

by amanda / 07/23/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

by Irreverend / 07/23/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

by Irreverend / 07/23/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

by broken finger / 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm / United States / Health

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML

by Orchard / 07/16/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

by anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 10:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

by cristy91 / 07/10/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Love

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

by notkatvond / 06/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States / Work

Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML

by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

by MsGlaDos / 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous