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Martinez0285

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Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Houston, Tx, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 949
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman shhhhhhhhhh

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100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60755) - you deserved it (13253)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

#20691094
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21724) - you deserved it (117551)

On 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

#20681164
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26282) - you deserved it (33200)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my house was damaged by a tornado. I called my mother to see if I could stay with her for a few days. Her response? "I warned you not to move in with a man. This is God's way of punishing you." I've been married to said man for almost a year now. FML

#20676306
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38547) - you deserved it (2402)

On 05/20/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by hotelbound - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45740) - you deserved it (6414)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44665) - you deserved it (16355)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML

#20666690
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49285) - you deserved it (4782)

On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

#20665284
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58499) - you deserved it (3400)

On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

#20649796
117 comments

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, I was walking my dog. A cute guy stopped me and said, "Wow, you are gorgeous!" I said thanks. He looked at me like I was nuts and said, "Not you, your dog." FML

#20621620
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37925) - you deserved it (5139)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:11pm - animals - by emma_waters23 - United States (California)

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41274) - you deserved it (5012)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got dumped during sex. FML

#20563466
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59403) - you deserved it (7966)

On 03/28/2013 at 6:02am - intimacy - by Bigfatfailure (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finished installing remote access CCTV cameras around my house due to the high rate of burglaries around my neighborhood. I turn it on to see my teenage son rubbing one out on the couch. FML

#20563419
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35868) - you deserved it (21268)

On 03/28/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by couch_potato (man) -

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22589) - you deserved it (39983)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by think i'm dating perdix (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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