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  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5056
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching a movie on TV. One of the characters has the same name as my dog, and when his name was called, my dog got so excited that he jumped face-first into my TV. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52543) - you deserved it (4231)

On 09/11/2013 at 12:57pm - animals - by ugh Buck! (woman) - United States

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44348) - you deserved it (6853)

On 09/11/2013 at 10:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52469) - you deserved it (5714)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:15am - intimacy - by merpaderp14 (woman) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64712) - you deserved it (3811)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by brycepetrillo - United States (Florida)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML


I agree, your life sucks (54486) - you deserved it (19699)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41737) - you deserved it (3098)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53211) - you deserved it (9876)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML


I agree, your life sucks (41842) - you deserved it (3278)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50916) - you deserved it (4039) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44425) - you deserved it (6621)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59415) - you deserved it (16668)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:10am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Latvia (Jelgavas)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50861) - you deserved it (3692)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm - work - by x_o (man) - Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44390) - you deserved it (3016)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46092) - you deserved it (25815)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

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