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Martinez0285

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Martinez0285

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Martinez0285Martinez0285
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3678
  • Number of comments : 139
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

Martinez0285's page activity

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Liked!<b>denaeb123</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 6:08am<b>xninix</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 8:20am<b>cottoncandylips</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 7:15am<b>SquidgyOmAm</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 4:59am<b>sophie_doll</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 8:52pm<b>annapanda143</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 3:57pm<b>_delaneybear</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 12:53am<b>RadicalK</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 5:44am<b>madi113</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 4:26am<b>Jellybellybeanz</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 4:36pm

Martinez0285's FML badges

Inception

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39837) - you deserved it (2961)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49719) - you deserved it (9281)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML

#20835313
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (3150)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

#20835170
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48107) - you deserved it (3800) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2013 at 4:49am - kids - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

#20830066
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41718) - you deserved it (6306)

On 08/10/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

#20826932
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56628) - you deserved it (15957)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:10am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Latvia (Jelgavas)

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

#20820605
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49218) - you deserved it (3571)

On 08/04/2013 at 4:51pm - work - by x_o (man) - Hungary (Gyor-Moson-Sopron)

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41648) - you deserved it (2768)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43611) - you deserved it (24615)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

#20798770
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67726) - you deserved it (3997)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:17am - intimacy - by amanda (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37634) - you deserved it (3344)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37634) - you deserved it (3344)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

#20790784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39348) - you deserved it (10728)

On 07/18/2013 at 4:53pm - health - by broken finger (man) - United States

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML



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