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  • Town/Country : Houston, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 27 February 1985 (30 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5251
  • Number of comments : 141
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Martinez0285 : I'm Batman..... Shhhhhhhh

Martinez0285's page activity

Visits<b>elohnah</b> - yesterday at 5:06pm<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 2:27pm<b>Alexxandre</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 9:51am<b>MrsMusselLady</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 11:38am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 7:14pm<b>hamiltonma</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 2:47am<b>LadyLuck93</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 9:01pm<b>caitlin80088</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 9:58am<b>megthedemon4</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 3:02am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 8:39am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 8:08am<b>Mons</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 9:25pm<b>NineeCat</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 4:32pm<b>LilMissCanadian</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:26pm<b>Threnody666</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 8:23am<b>CarmenCnh</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 2:33am<b>00Ren00</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 1:32am<b>spidaman</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 6:48am

Fucked!<b>WillowB47</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:15am<b>bbackensto</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 3:57pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 9:30pm<b>Anais457</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:37pm<b>Threnody666</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 4:40am<b>Prerogative</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 6:05pm<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 2:54pm<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 10/07/2015 at 6:44am<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 8:54am<b>BellaSweeto</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 7:19pm<b>kandysnow</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 9:56am<b>amileah13</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:52am<b>bhopejohnston</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 4:30am<b>kylie31</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 3:19am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 9:05pm<b>scarlett3diaz</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 6:39pm<b>cheeology</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 6:25pm<b>analise1998</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 11:51am

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Martinez0285's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54543) - you deserved it (4679)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML

Today, I was using my phone while in a crowded waiting room, and I accidentally tapped on a YouTube video with the volume still at maximum. The first words everyone heard? "Fuck her right in the pussy!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (48839) - you deserved it (24301)

On 06/14/2014 at 5:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52389) - you deserved it (7909)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML


I agree, your life sucks (54215) - you deserved it (11864)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, I entered my late twenties. My hair's falling out and I'm putting on weight at light speed. At least I can keep my youthful appearance with the acne I still suffer from. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43712) - you deserved it (4886)

On 06/05/2014 at 7:12am - misc - by hifhfan (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51555) - you deserved it (5404)

On 06/01/2014 at 5:53pm - work - by anikah (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47652) - you deserved it (8833)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML


I agree, your life sucks (63130) - you deserved it (5387)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, one of my most problematic students remained after class, whence he strongly insinuated his interest in receiving oral sex; I tried to convey just how inappropriate that was, when he interrupted, "Look, will you at least touch it?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (62277) - you deserved it (6481)

On 04/16/2014 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by MILF (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was looking at the map on my phone whilst walking down a street. I heard the sound of a bike behind me so I moved to let the cyclist past. He snatched the phone out of my hand and sped off. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40532) - you deserved it (5136)

On 04/14/2014 at 7:43pm - misc - by stupidcunt (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44543) - you deserved it (13827)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38639) - you deserved it (4191)

On 03/28/2014 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

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  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

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