About Maria_BVB_Army : Music is my life
Maria_BVB_Army's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Maria_BVB_Army's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/29/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:36pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. As things got heated, he broke down crying. I assumed it was just anxiety so I hugged him and told him it's alright and that it didn't matter, we'd try another time. Half an hour later, he confessed that he's actually gay. FML
by gunnerette / 12/21/2014 at 3:30am / Cyprus (Larnaca) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML
by LonelyGuy / 12/15/2014 at 6:59am / Australia / Love
Today, I ate at Subway during my lunch hour. A group of teenage girls sat down at the table next to mine. They all shared good laugh about the "friendless, chubby chick" sitting near them, while attempting to discreetly point at me. FML
by endure_survive / 12/14/2014 at 10:17pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
by Nicole / 12/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML
by lateralligator / 12/12/2014 at 11:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 12/11/2014 at 8:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML
by IHateSchool-.- / 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm / United States / Work
Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML
by not laughing anymore / 12/11/2014 at 2:55pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML
by ring-a-ding-ding / 12/06/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Nevada) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/05/2014 at 8:44am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML
by WTF / 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Texas) / Work