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Maddiekaye123's favorite FMLs
by ifpigsflew / 10/04/2010 at 7:31pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML
by bels12 / 01/05/2010 at 12:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by oldlady / 11/07/2009 at 7:38pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML
by buckid310 / 11/03/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML
by dentistvictim / 10/16/2009 at 3:27am / Norway (Oslo) / Health
Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 3:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 1:17am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Kids
Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML
by ByeByeBlackberry / 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Ballshurt / 09/07/2009 at 12:57am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
by AreYouSerious / 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
by jellybean_94 / 08/15/2009 at 12:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
by unbelievable208 / 08/05/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
by whymommywhy / 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
by blizzard_of_77 / 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today,a woman began screaming at me for 15 minutes at the restaurant I work at. The reason why? I… Today, I was helping my friend move into a new apartment. As we were carrying his table up a flight… Today, at work, because I have been having bowel problems I sat longer than normal on the toilet. I…