MadProfessor95

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Offline (the 12/06/2015 at 6:38am)

MadProfessor95

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  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 346
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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MadProfessor95's page activity

Visits<b>oddolly</b> - the 09/09/2013 at 7:23am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 08/03/2013 at 11:06pm

MadProfessor95's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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MadProfessor95's favorite FMLs

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, a police officer pulled me over. He asked me where I was headed, so I jokingly replied, "Probably to jail after you run my name". He laughed and took my information, only to then arrest me for unpaid parking tickets I never received. FML

by Nightbird827 / 12/02/2015 at 9:34am / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that the only way for me to have a complete bowel movement is to blow my nose at the same time. However, I learned this while standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. FML

by achoo-plop / 11/29/2015 at 8:17pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

by anon / 11/27/2015 at 3:21pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:52am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2015 at 10:28am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

by ashamed / 11/25/2015 at 10:50am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I pulled an all-nighter to finish rereading my set work for my English exam. I managed to finish earlier than expected and decided to get some sleep. I then promptly slept through my alarm and missed my exam. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 1:57am / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were sending dirty messages to each other. We were getting really into it until she replied to one of my messages with, "Oooooh yeah." I read it in the Kool-Aid man's voice and couldn't stop laughing. Mood killed. FML

by Stuby14 / 11/23/2015 at 9:31am / United States (South Dakota) / Intimacy

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

by NoFunForMe / 08/31/2015 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Transportation

Today, my husband confessed that when he's angry with me, he uses my makeup sponge to apply his hemorrhoid cream. FML

by Maiar / 01/13/2015 at 12:42pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

by insomniacap / 12/30/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, while laying on the couch my cat came and laid on me. Turns out my ass is big enough for my 13 year old cat to walk around in circles, wash itself, stretch and sleep. FML

by Fat Arsed Lass / 06/01/2014 at 6:28am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Animals

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

by heyhijello / 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous