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M4nt1d

Offline (the 04/29/2015 at 1:03pm) | Search for a member

M4nt1d

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  • Number of visits : 239
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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M4nt1d's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

#21272259
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38557) - you deserved it (4189)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm - misc - by thanks babe - United Kingdom (Shropshire)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

#21162704
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56108) - you deserved it (8176)

On 06/04/2014 at 11:52am - intimacy - by Justawoman (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML

#20820474
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48072) - you deserved it (2905)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:09pm - work - by Neanderthals walk among us (woman) - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41903) - you deserved it (9045)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39663) - you deserved it (2334)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

#19532255
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (2251)

On 04/26/2012 at 1:29pm - health - by crazyk2468 (man) - United States (California)

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

#16895004
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30168) - you deserved it (3800)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:35am - animals - by hadtocleanthemess (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

#15448080
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34733) - you deserved it (10849)

On 03/23/2011 at 12:21pm - animals - by Username - United States (Florida)

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

#14157064
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12960) - you deserved it (25964)

On 12/10/2010 at 7:12pm - misc - by elliekilroy (woman) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

#8742333
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9965) - you deserved it (38641)

On 03/01/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by ItHurtsLIkeHell (man) - Malaysia (Pulau Pinang)

Today, when setting up for a rehearsal, my eldest teacher was standing next to me. My music teacher announces that it will be a tight fit and hard for everyone to fit in the area. The old teacher next to me leans over and whispers, "I'd like to fit in your tight area." FML

#8153537
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (2579)

On 02/12/2010 at 12:13am - intimacy - by pinky (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

#6780706
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36390) - you deserved it (4901)

On 12/16/2009 at 6:01pm - misc - by epiiphany (woman) - United States



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