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LookAtMyGoat's favorite FMLs
Today, I purchased a box of girl scout cookies from a coworker. I wanted to save them for later at home, so I placed them on my desk and then headed to a meeting. When I returned, there was an empty box sitting there with a post-it note saying, "Thanks!" Nobody will own up to it. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 02/18/2013 at 8:49pm / United States / Work
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids
by kenyaliving / 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Love
by karmaquestionmark / 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 3:16pm / Sweden / Love
Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML
by willtype4food / 09/09/2012 at 8:45pm / Finland / Money
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML
by Bethany / 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by justwow / 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
by nickern / 02/07/2012 at 7:13pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML
by Tiana / 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
- Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I… Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it… Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw…
- Today, I was cooking dinner when I set off the fire alarm in my flat building. The neighbour from… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I…