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LivexForever21's favorite FMLs
Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML
by Medication / 10/12/2013 at 11:31am / United States / Intimacy
Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML
by SuperFail55 / 10/01/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, a coworker at school yelled at one of our students to be quiet. The kid got pretty upset, so I went to comfort him. He held my hand for the rest of the class, telling me in vivid detail how he was going to kill my coworker. Now I'm afraid to look at him. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 12:36pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML
by TaraBURGER / 09/17/2013 at 3:57am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML
by sommmerrrr / 09/15/2013 at 12:12am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by sammieshortcake / 09/14/2013 at 11:30am / United States / Love
Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML
by Carebeareatu / 09/14/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
by ellen77 / 09/13/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by vrossie_ / 09/08/2013 at 1:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML
by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt / 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by brycepetrillo / 09/07/2013 at 12:08pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by ...thanks / 09/07/2013 at 10:17am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 7:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating… Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I… Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I…
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…