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Language_girl97's favorite FMLs
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by HowAreYouAlive / 07/09/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by beccadabeast / 06/30/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
by NextTimeMom'sDriving / 06/11/2014 at 12:41pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML
by fartbucket51995129565 / 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML
by confusing / 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm / Zimbabwe / Work
Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML
by Anonymous / 05/31/2014 at 4:04pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (South Carolina) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love
Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2014 at 10:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML
by fuck you, Jeff / 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, after an entire year spent in physical therapy recovering from three knee surgeries, I finally returned to doing light agility exercises and running on a treadmill. When I told my therapist I had never been so happy and proud, he responded with, "This usually only takes 5 months, pussy." FML
by AnonymousAndSad / 04/24/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (Iowa) / Health
by now have a cat / 04/24/2014 at 4:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
- Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To… Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working… Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML