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Offline (the 12/02/2016 at 4:40am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1891
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Lacalema : 42!!

I'm a professional sand sculptor. The third picture is of me at my first competition, 8 years ago. Best job ever, I get to play in sand all day.

If I commented, I was drunk. I'm way to shy to say anything sober.

It looks like I'm a profile stalker but really I just click to see a big version of your picture. I only use the app.

Lacalema's page activity

Visits<b>Mons</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 10:24pm<b>MetalxSoldier</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 3:25pm<b>Jezterking</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 11:14pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 10:30am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 4:38pm<b>avaria</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 1:20pm<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 2:53am<b>thatguy221</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 2:38am<b>PuckYouToTheFace</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 2:07am<b>Elijah0</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 4:38pm<b>Skycop_S</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 7:10am<b>aznboi415</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:58am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 1:50am<b>agostina_mc</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:04pm<b>swaglesshipster</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:59am<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 11:16am<b>ACASEOFU</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 2:55am<b>Steve97</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 9:00am

Fucked!<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 8:53am<b>Skycop_S</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 12:10pm<b>PuckYouToTheFace</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 11:15am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 7:50am<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 5:16pm<b>Montiphelia</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 6:01am<b>EvilLittleMan</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 5:07am<b>Crazion</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 6:43pm<b>shanewh40</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 9:14pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 3:53am<b>DA3Z</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 1:55pm<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 8:54am<b>olpally</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 11:21pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:18pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 10:58pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 12:58pm<b>irish_lad</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 11:03am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 12:43pm

Lacalema's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Lacalema's badges

Lacalema's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Son, I want you to suck upon my nipples of knowledge." FML

by leahrb / 02/24/2016 at 1:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was hanging out with a friend out of state. He had some friends with him and we were all having a great time, until they found out I live in Utah. They instantly assumed I was Mormon and started to act weird around me. This is a frequent occurrence. FML

by Poppleton99 / 02/11/2016 at 1:06am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

by sandra / 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend canceled our date last-minute. He claimed he had no time because he had to iron his towels. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2015 at 6:40am / Austria (Wien) / Love

Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML

by cutsiecurliee / 11/05/2015 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

by mumfordandsonimdisappointed / 08/29/2015 at 1:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 12:02am / United States (Oregon) / Money

Today, my business got broken into and I lost a lot of valuable equipment. Although I have 24/7 security guards, they left in the middle of the burglary because they were too scared to stop the burglars or even to call the police. FML

by fukingtigans / 07/29/2015 at 11:30am / Croatia (Zadarska) / Money

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

by suosi / 07/26/2015 at 1:55pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my father passed away. I called my boss to let him know about the situation. His only response before hanging up: "Shit, dude. Well, I'll see you in the morning, these reports won't write themselves." FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2015 at 10:50am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

by ashamed / 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

by kittynapper / 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

by possibly fucked / 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

by Jarool / 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous