About LIL_Peanut : Shit happens.
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LIL_Peanut's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML
by sad / 05/05/2011 at 10:40am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love
by ouchies / 05/04/2011 at 10:38pm / United States / Health
Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML
by Madi Jenna / 05/04/2011 at 1:31pm / United States / Health
Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML
by PFCdavila / 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML
by thanksmom / 02/01/2011 at 9:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML
by ugh / 01/19/2011 at 2:19pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML
by qhu / 10/22/2010 at 10:15pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by Sorry / 03/03/2010 at 11:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML
by jo / 02/20/2010 at 5:47am / United States / Intimacy
by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals
Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML
by MarkTheShark / 12/12/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love