LIL_Peanut

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Offline (the 12/25/2015 at 6:10am)

LIL_Peanut

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 7 June 1985 (31 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 658
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About LIL_Peanut : Shit happens.

LIL_Peanut's page activity

Visits<b>Ben12345</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 12:45pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:15pm

LIL_Peanut's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of LIL_Peanut's badges

LIL_Peanut's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

by sad / 05/05/2011 at 10:40am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

by wow / 05/05/2011 at 2:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

by ouchies / 05/04/2011 at 10:38pm / United States / Health

Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

by Madi Jenna / 05/04/2011 at 1:31pm / United States / Health

Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML

by PFCdavila / 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

by thanksmom / 02/01/2011 at 9:01pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

by ugh / 01/19/2011 at 2:19pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

by qhu / 10/22/2010 at 10:15pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

by Sorry / 03/03/2010 at 11:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

by jo / 02/20/2010 at 5:47am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

by MarkTheShark / 12/12/2009 at 12:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love