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Kruiser's favorite FMLs
by eamiller / 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/19/2014 at 12:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML
by anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML
by WasntWorthIt / 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
by MaddyN / 07/08/2014 at 12:26am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by aireeahna / 06/08/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by It'd be nice to see you too. / 06/08/2014 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids
Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML
by Punphmelch / 03/26/2014 at 4:45am / Australia (South Australia) / Animals
Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML
by Coryj1220 / 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by Venus / 03/13/2014 at 6:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML
by the customer is always a cunt / 12/20/2013 at 4:48pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by sammers27 / 12/19/2013 at 8:48am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by confsused / 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…