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Offline (the 02/15/2016 at 1:27pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 January 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 708
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Kristen0990's page activity

Visits<b>Kuibe</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 8:12pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 6:06pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 03/08/2014 at 3:08pm<b>samm12099</b> - the 03/04/2014 at 10:08pm<b>maggiefox</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 11:53pm<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 8:03pm<b>bmba94</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 8:47am<b>takemedrunkimhom</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 7:49am<b>ellenjasmin</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 11:25pm<b>thomashood</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 10:02am<b>Taytochill23</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 8:30pm<b>BU_1993</b> - the 09/30/2013 at 11:45am<b>oj101</b> - the 09/14/2013 at 9:46am<b>tacojauns</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 2:02pm<b>dangerika93</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 3:40pm<b>zed34</b> - the 07/18/2013 at 10:46am<b>Lish2014</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 6:42pm<b>unluckybeestatd</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 5:15pm

Kristen0990's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Kristen0990's badges

Kristen0990's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 10:14pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

by wondercat40 / 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I got sexual tingles while watching a Subway worker assemble my sandwich. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 6:46pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

by unwilling redneck / 05/24/2013 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2013 at 5:43pm / Iceland (Eyjafjardarsysla) / Intimacy

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, it was raining heavily so I wore my black poncho as I walked to work. On the way there I noticed an old and seemingly homeless man following me. I turned around to confront him. He picked up a stick and screamed "Expecto Patronum!" Apparently I look like a dementor. FML

by Anna L. / 03/24/2013 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Love