About Kiwiscanfly : I'm Johanna, and I live in New Zealand.
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Kiwiscanfly's favorite FMLs
by Poly24 / 08/27/2013 at 6:32am / Kids
by 12345678910 / 08/18/2013 at 2:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by countryblumpkin / 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 3:36am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML
by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
by bloody / 06/15/2013 at 4:57am / United States / Love
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML
by orely44 / 03/08/2013 at 9:13am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML
by great_just_great / 02/24/2013 at 12:48am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML
by bastardchild_01 / 10/17/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Display / 09/27/2012 at 12:10am / Health
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
by minibuch1505 / 09/21/2012 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…