About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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King_paradox's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML
by Anonymous / 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by guiltnazan / 09/06/2014 at 3:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by UghDude / 09/06/2014 at 9:35am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML
by fastfoodslave / 09/06/2014 at 2:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML
by why me? / 09/06/2014 at 12:25am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML
by crop circle galore / 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm / United States / Work
by tbee / 09/05/2014 at 8:13pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by onlywantuanyway / 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm / Intimacy
by apparentlybutch / 09/05/2014 at 5:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
by Perdito_Coño / 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML
by rugener92 / 09/04/2014 at 7:22pm / Kids
Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML
by Jenniesaurus / 09/04/2014 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm / United States (New York) / Love
by unlucky / 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm / United States (New York) / Kids
- Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy… Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook.… Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it…