About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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King_paradox's favorite FMLs
by Jamesfmled / 09/13/2014 at 10:01am / Intimacy
by Nat / 09/13/2014 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I ran one of the hardest cross-country courses in the country. I'm a pretty good runner, and I was feeling confident for the first mile. Then the chipotle from last night's dinner hit, and my legs weren't the only thing running. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (New York) / Health
by jjhach / 09/12/2014 at 6:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML
by lil_breezy / 09/11/2014 at 3:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML
by PerfectVision / 09/11/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML
by lolwut / 09/11/2014 at 2:33am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML
by mybad / 09/10/2014 at 11:57pm / United States / Work
by skinnyguy23 / 09/10/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Crash / 09/10/2014 at 4:15pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML
by notmarryingyou / 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by thebigtwinkie / 09/10/2014 at 3:52am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Love
by Itchy Missy / 09/09/2014 at 11:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML
by shadyladyhh / 09/09/2014 at 5:00pm / United States / Work
Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML
by sydspears3 / 09/09/2014 at 2:08pm / United States (Florida) / Health