About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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About King_paradox : I'm a wizim
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King_paradox's favorite FMLs
Today, I volunteered to tutor a 17-year-old girl in science. I had to explain in detail of what the real Big Bang theory was, as she only knew about the show. Later, I heard I was reported by her because apparently, "I was trying to convert her to Scientology." I now know why she needed a tutor. FML
by sushipanda9 / 10/20/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML
by Bartender / 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by bstent / 10/20/2014 at 3:11pm / United States / Love
by Chansus10 / 10/20/2014 at 11:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML
by NateTheGreat132 / 10/20/2014 at 7:59am / United States (New York) / Work
by bye loser / 10/20/2014 at 5:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2014 at 4:31am / United Kingdom / Work
by cray12 / 10/20/2014 at 4:00am / United States / Health
Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML
by are you kidding me / 10/20/2014 at 12:53am / United States (Kansas) / Work
by Bad Dad / 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML
by Why Me / 10/19/2014 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/14/2014 at 2:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML
by I_AM_READING / 10/14/2014 at 3:15am / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2014 at 11:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids