Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Kellyexpo

Offline (the 01/02/2015 at 6:53pm) | Search for a member

Kellyexpo

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1943
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Kellyexpo : Weird shit happens to me all the time

Kellyexpo's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of Kellyexpo's badges

Kellyexpo's favorite FMLs

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

#19517929
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23196) - you deserved it (2527)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by beleria (woman) - United States

Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML

#19376711
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5794) - you deserved it (66941)

On 03/30/2012 at 3:13pm - work - by bananamuffin - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

#19352692
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20433) - you deserved it (3442)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm - health - by Mandy - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote a song for me. As he was singing it to me I realized it was actually a breakup song. FML

#19342330
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29529) - you deserved it (2308)

On 03/25/2012 at 12:40am - love - by lil123 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27947) - you deserved it (10533)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

#19332280
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32759) - you deserved it (4895)

On 03/23/2012 at 11:34am - kids - by Confused (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

#19319473
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25572) - you deserved it (2861)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

#19246597
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (2308)

On 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

#19169657
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30612) - you deserved it (4091)

On 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by . - United States (California)

Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML

Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML

#19043614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (2714)

On 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm - misc - by rapper in training (man) - United States

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43428) - you deserved it (3801)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

#18833133
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35685) - you deserved it (6812)

On 01/17/2012 at 6:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

#18751726
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28585) - you deserved it (3004)

On 01/08/2012 at 10:43pm - love - by shades (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I couldn't contain my laughter when a patient told me she'd named her unborn daughter Twinkie. FML

#18728006
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32689) - you deserved it (4936)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's badges: pointless but essential!
  • If you're a regular on FML, it probably means that you're a member. Whatcha mean you're not a member? Right, for a start, run along and create yourself an account. Doing so will allow you to comment on…

Monday 23 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: