About Kellyexpo : Weird shit happens to me all the time
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Kellyexpo's favorite FMLs
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
by beleria / 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by bananamuffin / 03/30/2012 at 3:13pm / United States / Work
by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health
by lil123 / 03/25/2012 at 12:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
by purple / 03/24/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Confused / 03/23/2012 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
by J Rush / 03/21/2012 at 7:46am / United Kingdom (Powys) / Health
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML
by . / 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, everyone in my house has a horrible stomach flu. My two toddler nephews don't understand that they need to throw up in the bathroom, so they just blow chunks everywhere. I have to clean it up, while trying not to do the same. FML
by AndelleRae / 02/22/2012 at 7:02am / United States / Health
Today, I was taking a dump in a public toilet, when a guy in the next stall started drunkenly rapping. He kept trying to get me to rap along with him, eventually bashing the wall and threatening to bust my face in if I didn't. I soon found out I can rap to Slob On My Knob pretty well. FML
by rapper in training / 02/10/2012 at 8:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by sorrygrandma / 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/17/2012 at 6:57am / United States / Love
by shades / 01/08/2012 at 10:43pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 5:49pm / United States / Work
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on… Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, only to witness a woman with her shirt pulled up giving… Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let…
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…