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Kellyexpo

Offline (the 06/14/2015 at 7:01pm) | Search for a member

Kellyexpo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2971
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Kellyexpo : Weird shit happens to me all the time

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Kellyexpo's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML

#20037487
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9997) - you deserved it (26555)

On 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

#20026951
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13676) - you deserved it (24855)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

#20024649
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36251) - you deserved it (3462)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26746) - you deserved it (6632)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, my mom's intense fear of tornadoes caused her to break into the bathroom, drag me off the toilet while I was changing my tampon, and drag me to the basement with my pants around my ankles to join my father, brother, and my brother's best friend. FML

#20002813
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33941) - you deserved it (1720)

On 08/04/2012 at 8:44pm - misc - by m - United States (Indiana)

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

#19938552
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40207) - you deserved it (4752)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

#19937636
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5463) - you deserved it (47968)

On 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

#19928978
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36556) - you deserved it (3099)

On 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm - misc - by LetItRip - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

#19911168
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58816) - you deserved it (2694)

On 07/08/2012 at 8:30pm - love - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

#19908128
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34092) - you deserved it (1603)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:58am - misc - by JadedBaker (woman) - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

#19728226
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23230) - you deserved it (2688)

On 06/03/2012 at 6:41pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

#19626758
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23331) - you deserved it (2169)

On 05/15/2012 at 10:24am - misc - by observant (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12790) - you deserved it (20923)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

#19591635
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (1548)

On 05/08/2012 at 10:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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